Right after a divorce is hard for everyone. You and your kids will be going through all ranges of emotion. You have a tendency to act based on those emotions of fear, guilt, sadness, and anger. Many times, this leads to uncharacteristically doing things you would not normally do. Like, getting a dog even though you are allergic, or skydiving, or heading to Disneyland. In this episode, we explore those first few months after a divorce and how to try to not overindulge your kids.
The Emotional part of Divorce
Your kids will be mad at you. They are going to be angry at the situation or at you, your ex-spouse or both.
You will be mad at you ex. When you are co-parenting things will happen that just make you mad.
Emotions during a divorce are mostly negative. There might be some relief, but in general, most of the emotions are sad and negative.
You need to find things that bring happiness and joy into the situation, for your kids and you.
Do not force family time on your kids
Create opportunities
Self-care is important at this time, but remember your kids need stability and reassurance from you. They need your emotional support. Find a good balance.
Kids need security
Security comes from knowing what is expected of them and having a stable home environment — not one that is based on emotions alone.
Watch out for Overindulgence
Divorce Dog, Skydiving
Disneyland Dad syndrome
What is overindulgence?
No rules, no chores or no discipline
Giving lavish gifts
Seeking pleasure while minimizing any disappointments
So it is ok to go to Disneyland, but do the kids have chores at home?
Are they showing gratitude?
Do the kids learn about consequences to their actions both good and bad?
Are the kids living in a complete Fantasyland that will create little monsters later on?
You need to consider what is going on with the kids at both houses. Are they doing chores in both homes? Don’t overload them with the same chores back to back.
Do not get in a competition with gift-giving with your ex-spouse.
First Christmas together example
Co-Parenting is Different than Parenting
You cannot parent the same way you did before.
We tend to be more lenient, especially with the older kids, because you are afraid the kids will want to live with the other parent.
Watch out about parenting out of a position of fear. You will always be afraid.
It feels like and we act like it is a competition for the love of our children.
Divorce changes the environment and you must adjust how you will parent from this point forward.
Tips
Create opportunities for the kids to be involved and to be together as a family Don’t push your kids into doing things they don’t feel comfortable with Have fun with your kids
Take them to activities Work with them Work together to get something done and then have fun
Remember your relationship with your kids is going to change. Your parenting will change too.
Links
Lemonade Moment of the Week
Zoey our 5-month-old granddaughter plays with our dog Heidi.
VIDEO
Tina the Divorce Dog
Overindulgent Christmas
Transcript
00:08
hello this is Darren and this is page
00:10
and this is where’s the lemonade where
00:13
we talked about what happens when life
00:15
throws you lemons make some lemonade
00:17
maybe some weeks it’s lemons worse yeah
00:20
some weeks it’s just lemons on today’s
00:27
episode we’re gonna talk about skydiving
00:29
door stocks and Disney when
00:32
overindulgence in our last episode we
00:35
talked about how to talk to the kids
00:38
about divorce when you’re getting a
00:40
divorce that was a really hard episode
00:44
for us probably our hardest emotional
00:45
episode yeah and we got a lot of really
00:48
good feedback from our listeners which
00:50
we really appreciate today we’re gonna
00:52
actually talk about what do you do after
00:55
that a lot of crying a lot it’s very
01:00
emotional at that and we have a tendency
01:02
with all those emotions that are built
01:04
up there’s a lot of negativity that we
01:07
overindulge our kids right that’s why
01:10
the title yeah divorce dog Disneyland
01:13
and skydiving because all those things
01:16
happened to us yep so and then we also
01:20
talked about in this episode about you
01:22
know co-parenting that’s a whole new
01:24
thing that you have to start doing
01:26
almost immediately after after your
01:28
divorce or separation yeah I think a lot
01:31
of people think that once the divorce is
01:33
over that things are going to be so much
01:36
easier with parenting and typically I
01:39
mean we can’t say for every situation
01:40
but typically it is it is different very
01:45
different and difficult to co-parent for
01:50
so let’s first talk about our emotions
01:51
that that everyone’s going through
01:54
you’ve told the kids you sat down with
01:56
them you gave them space to cry and
01:58
scream and do whatever your kids are
02:00
gonna be mad at you they are they aren’t
02:03
sometimes you don’t find out till 10
02:05
years later how mad they were at way
02:07
like what we found out just recently yes
02:10
they’re they’re angry they’re angry that
02:13
their life as they knew it has been
02:16
shattered and their stability you know
02:19
their foundation has been torn apart and
02:22
they’re mad and they want to surprise
02:24
that both of you sometimes just one you
02:26
know it just depends but yeah it’s it’s
02:29
hard because of that anger definitely
02:31
shows it does and you also have to deal
02:34
with the anger that you may have at your
02:37
ex and I’m you would have gotten
02:40
divorced if you could get along well
02:41
right well and you have to have to
02:44
really temper that because you don’t
02:47
want to show your kids that the only way
02:52
you can interact or talk about your ex
02:55
is with this these anger these
02:58
heightened emotions right these
02:59
heightened emotions because it’s it’s
03:01
negative it’s bad and it’s hard it’s
03:03
hard in the beginning whoo yeah it’s
03:06
very hard and and you know it’s
03:07
interesting because my therapist had
03:10
something interesting says never talk
03:12
negatively about your ex in front of
03:15
your kids especially but try not to talk
03:17
about negatively at all because your
03:19
kids feel that negativity and you have
03:22
to remember that they are half of your
03:24
ex-spouse right so they take that even
03:28
subliminally as you’re angry at half of
03:32
me right which kind of negates you know
03:35
what you’re trying to to do at that time
03:37
so and I think that you might think at
03:40
the time like oh there there on my side
03:43
you know let’s be angry together at your
03:45
dad or at your mom right yeah like let’s
03:47
do this together but all it does really
03:49
I I talked to friends that had come from
03:52
divorced families and they said the same
03:54
thing don’t talk negatively about your
03:56
ex it builds resentment over time and
03:58
when these kids become adults they do
04:00
resent that and go I can’t believe you
04:03
you know you talked so badly in and that
04:05
made me that fostered a bad relationship
04:08
with my dad or my mom so it is going to
04:12
build into resentment later on and
04:14
you’re gonna slip trust me you’re gonna
04:17
say negative things right well and you
04:19
need to apologize to your kids and you
04:21
need to just course correction and go
04:23
I really I really messed up today and
04:26
try better tomorrow cuz you’re gonna
04:29
mess up cuz you did get divorced for a
04:31
reason and you did and being self aware
04:33
of that remember you’re not your kids
04:36
best friend that you can fight in why
04:38
you got divorced that’s just not
04:40
appropriate it’s not now other things
04:43
that we have to deal with with divorce
04:46
almost all the emotions of a divorce are
04:48
negative people go no I’m so much
04:50
happier now that I’m divorced a nice
04:54
swishy if there’s kids involved there’s
04:56
a lot of negative feelings well their
04:58
situation might be better it depends
04:59
what you know if they were in an abusive
05:00
relationship or something of course
05:02
right but in general then the feelings
05:05
of emotions are pretty sad and negative
05:07
yes definitely so you’ve got to find
05:10
things to do to bring more happiness and
05:12
joy into the situation for your kids and
05:16
so not dwelling on the bat all the time
05:18
but coming up with good things that you
05:20
can do together right and we talked to
05:24
we talked to some of our kids about this
05:25
when they were mad at you after the
05:27
yeah and we’re trying to do fun things
05:30
right and we did we talked to my kids
05:33
about this and they said it was good
05:37
that I didn’t force this situation so
05:39
they were mad at me they felt like it
05:42
was you know me kicking their dad out
05:46
which was I gave me sort of was the case
05:49
what kind of wasn’t anyway we’ve already
05:50
talked about that but it was me trying
05:53
to solve a problem and that was how I
05:57
had to solve it at the time but it was
06:00
them saying that they were mad they
06:05
didn’t really want to be at home or
06:08
around me very much because they were
06:10
mad but when I arranged for fun things
06:16
they came because that was still like oh
06:19
well we’re gonna do this fun thing
06:21
together alright we’ll go do that well
06:23
you invited them instead of saying you
06:25
have to go right they said do not force
06:27
do not force it don’t force him to be
06:29
home for you know we’re having family
06:31
dinner tonight you better be there I
06:33
I did not force but it was hard because
06:36
I wanted them to be there
06:37
and you know I felt sad that they sure
06:41
it’s more about creating opportunities
06:42
to be together yes then saying dictating
06:48
so creating those opportunities extreme
06:50
if we’re and making them a happy time
06:52
and a joyful time in building new
06:53
memories which you’ve got to start doing
06:55
right away is building these new
06:57
memories with with your kids ok another
07:01
part that we talked about here is
07:03
self-care during this time now I’ve seen
07:06
this go to ways where you indulge your
07:10
kids completely everything’s about your
07:12
kids and you forget about yourself yep
07:14
and I’ve seen people go well it’s only
07:17
about me and forget about the kids right
07:19
I have to take care of me because if I’m
07:21
not ok then I’m not gonna be good for my
07:23
kids right right yeah so you’ve got to
07:26
strike a balance you have to right you
07:28
can’t be so self-absorbed that you
07:31
ignore your kids no because they will
07:34
resent that and they will remember that
07:35
and just being in the room with them is
07:38
not enough right you have to engage with
07:40
them that’s something that you’ve taught
07:41
me very well is engaging with your kids
07:44
even if they’re talking about Pokemon
07:46
and you really don’t care you have to be
07:48
able to ask questions and say hey tell
07:52
me more I don’t want to know even though
07:54
yeah it’s not interesting to you but if
07:56
it’s interesting to your child it’s
07:58
building a trust with them right but
08:01
also at the same time you need to be
08:02
able to take care of yourself so what
08:04
sorts of things what sorts of things can
08:07
we do to take care of ourselves you know
08:09
I remember when after I first got
08:11
divorced and I was working I was working
08:14
two jobs I mean life was 100% different
08:17
for me I went from being a stay-at-home
08:18
mom my whole life to now I’m working two
08:22
jobs and trying to balance I stay you
08:25
know I had really good friends I still
08:27
wanted to be with I you know want to be
08:29
with my kids every second that I wasn’t
08:31
working so it was really hard to strike
08:33
that balance but for me the self-care
08:35
was just you know every once in a while
08:37
I did go out with my friends for either
08:40
they’d come to my work and meet me for
08:41
lunch which was great because then it
08:43
wasn’t taking any time away from my kids
08:45
after I got home but you know even every
08:48
you know maybe once a month I would go
08:51
for didn’t you know to dinner or
08:52
something with my friends cuz but that
08:54
was about it because my kids didn’t need
08:56
me they needed me so you’ve got to find
08:59
some how to balance that that but yet
09:03
it was friends for me it was work yeah I
09:07
can see that I just you know when I
09:09
didn’t have my kids it was all work I
09:12
traveled quite a bit for my my job at
09:15
the time so I only traveled when I
09:17
didn’t have the kids and I and it was
09:20
like I’m at work the whole time 24/7
09:24
when my kids aren’t there no downtime
09:26
because that’s where my self-worth comes
09:29
is how much I can produce right right
09:31
and then you met me and then work went
09:38
there was no balance no there was no
09:43
now the other thing that we talked about
09:45
during this emotional time right after
09:46
the divorce and you’ve talked to your
09:49
kids is the kids need security they need
09:51
to feel some consistency a stableness
09:56
where they can nail plant their feet
09:58
because everything they knew that was
09:59
solid is now wiped away almost like if
10:02
you’ve ever been in an earthquake I
10:04
remember being in an earthquake when I
10:06
was a teenager something solid like the
10:09
ground all of a sudden was not solid
10:11
anymore and it was kind of unnerving and
10:13
I bet kids feel the same way about
10:15
divorce something that’s solid that’s
10:17
there is now gone yeah and it’s hard for
10:21
the kids especially for the parent that
10:23
moves out of the family home right and
10:27
gets a different place the kids don’t
10:29
feel as comfortable at this new place
10:31
home is you know back where the family
10:33
was so it’s really challenging to make
10:36
your new place feel like home I know
10:39
that was challenging for my kids just
10:40
when we moved in with you that was
10:42
challenging I you know was fortunate
10:44
enough after the divorce to stay in the
10:45
home that the kids were used to right
10:47
when we got married then oh it’s really
10:49
hard but yeah I mean someone has to move
10:51
out of the house and so that’s really
10:53
challenging but my advice is don’t give
10:56
up you can’t give up you can’t go you
10:59
went this is just too hard I’m not gonna
11:01
you know have the kids come over I’m
11:02
like don’t give up your kids need you
11:05
need you they need both parents both
11:07
parents and don’t give up yeah um also
11:11
make sure that when you’re building that
11:12
environment in your home that’s not just
11:15
built on emotion they need routine they
11:18
need consistency they need jobs and need
11:21
to own part of building that home back
11:24
up together so now let’s talk about
11:34
we shall and getting a dog on the same
11:38
day I don’t think you could have done
11:40
more on Monday than that oh my goodness
11:43
yes so it was trying to think of how
11:46
long I guess it was a year and a half
11:48
right well as a year and a half past my
11:50
separation about seven months after my
11:53
divorce yeah and yeah our our family was
11:58
struggling we were set and Amanda and
12:00
Rachel were both home from college
12:03
actually Rachel hadn’t left for college
12:05
yet but amanda was home from college and
12:09
we I decided to just do something to
12:12
shake it up cuz Amanda hadn’t been
12:14
around the whole divorce thing right
12:17
she’d been at college and she comes home
12:19
to this different house and things are
12:21
very different and you know Rachel was
12:23
really struggling I think Jake was
12:24
really struggling we were all just
12:26
trying to figure out our new life and
12:30
someone said you should go skydiving
12:32
first of all my first thought was well
12:33
we can’t afford that you know I thought
12:35
it would be super expensive it’s not I
12:37
mean nobody weighs a second you found
12:40
the cheapest skydiving place I did
12:42
anywhere in California which has been
12:45
shut down several times I didn’t know
12:47
that I did not research it at the time
12:49
but yeah I think it was $100 for each of
12:52
us and I was like oh well I mean I
12:54
thought was gonna be three or four
12:55
hundred dollars a person it was only a
12:57
hundred dollars so so yes and you are
13:00
also not supposed to take any children
13:02
under the age of 18 skydiving
13:04
Jake was 16 and this place was like sure
13:07
he can go I didn’t once again I did not
13:10
know you were supposed to be 18 when I
13:12
started telling people that I took Jake
13:13
they were like how could you take Jake
13:15
he’s not 18 I’m like did they have to be
13:18
yeah uh-huh so anyway I did I took my
13:23
am was with us but he was you know five
13:25
four or five so I’d make him go no let
13:30
him go they had some kind of rules not
13:32
very many so and right after the
13:34
skydiving which what you guys can look
13:36
on our website for those great pictures
13:38
yeah well you were sick for three days
13:41
afterwards motion sickness right
13:43
afterwards you guys then went to a dog
13:46
shelter and picked up you know we got
13:49
Tina yep we did it was it was it was the
13:52
overindulgence day I wanted to be the
13:55
cool parent for the day I did and I
13:58
remember Jake telling me that I was the
14:00
coolest mom ever and how would I ever
14:02
top that and I was like yes my plan has
14:05
worked I am the coolest mom ever and on
14:08
my side it was trip down to San Diego
14:11
and to Disneyland and Legoland and
14:13
things like that that I didn’t right
14:15
my kids right so yeah that stuff happens
14:18
we understand that that stuff happens
14:20
but so what is overindulgence because
14:23
doing those things all the time everyone
14:26
would say yeah that’s overindulgence but
14:28
what what really is overindulgence well
14:31
we looked this up right we looked up
14:33
what is the it’s actually called the
14:35
Disneyland dad syndrome it’s not called
14:37
Disneyland in fact it’s actually a legal
14:39
term that can be used in court
14:41
isn’t that funny which yeah I think it’s
14:43
hilarious but but what that means is the
14:46
Disneyland dad syndrome is complete
14:49
overindulgence all the time with no
14:51
rules no routine it’s just when you’re
14:54
with me it’s just fun it’s just fun
14:57
we’re you know yeah we’re at Disneyland
14:59
we’re at the ballpark we’re at the
15:01
arcade Oh diving lab that just dated me
15:03
we’re at the arcade we’re at the arcade
15:06
playing centipede or pacman anyway but
15:09
no it’s just it’s complete fun it’s
15:11
never having them have any
15:13
responsibility they’re not doing chores
15:15
they’re not doing homework you’re never
15:16
saying no it’s all yes it’s yeah it’s
15:19
all no discipline giving lavish gifts
15:22
even if you’re not even if you’re not
15:27
involved but even giving lavish gifts
15:32
we’ve seen in some situations too with
15:34
some of our friends mm-hmm we have we
15:37
have so yes so you have to have this
15:39
balance because like we said before in
15:40
our first part of this podcast you do
15:44
need to create these fun memories right
15:46
so don’t be afraid to go do something
15:49
fun but it just can’t be all the time
15:52
right and it may be make it so that it’s
15:56
yes that’s talked about that I remember
15:58
we did I would say to my kids let’s get
16:00
this you know house cleaning down let’s
16:02
get this yard work done and then we’ll
16:03
go get an ice-cream and go to the park
16:05
or you know or maybe if we save our
16:07
money up by turning the lights off
16:09
around the house one of my big pet
16:10
peeves then maybe we can go to
16:12
Disneyland in three months if our
16:14
electric bill goes down right all right
16:16
the kids need to be invested in that
16:20
opportunity right and somehow instead of
16:22
them just receiving it that’s a major
16:25
difference between overindulgence and
16:27
you know creating happy memories and fun
16:29
things that you should do and it’s hard
16:31
because when you see that your kids are
16:33
sad and you’re sad you want to just you
16:36
know do you want to just kind of throw
16:39
everything out the window and just go oh
16:40
let me I just want to make everyone
16:42
forget bills right match all the credit
16:44
card yeah you just want to make people
16:46
happy but they need the security and
16:49
stability of normal roots well and that
16:51
just brings temporary happiness not real
16:54
joy which would be a little bit longer
16:55
exactly well and this goes into showing
16:58
gratitude are your kids showing
17:00
gratitude for this stuff right or are
17:02
they expecting it right that drives me
17:06
crazy yes it does and as well as it
17:09
should as well as it should our kids are
17:11
very good at showing gratitude and they
17:13
know that that’s important to us and if
17:15
they don’t show gratitude then things
17:18
are not good maybe it was the gratitude
17:21
thing that I did for a while with with
17:24
they got gratitude bucks for doing good
17:26
things around the house and saying thank
17:27
you and things like that we’ve kind of
17:29
indoctrinated and brainwashed them into
17:32
showing gratitude absolutely also
17:35
another important thing about
17:37
overindulgence here is making sure that
17:40
your kids understand that there are
17:41
consequences to their actions most good
17:45
this really will start tying into
17:46
co-parenting as well it will and that’s
17:49
that’s hard that’s hard because like you
17:52
said it is gonna tie into the next one
17:53
but there still has to be consequences
17:56
you still have to have discipline and
17:58
you know so we’ll talk about that more
18:00
in the next section but yes don’t over
18:03
indulgence is also not ever disciplining
18:06
your child and or giving them stuff to
18:08
do or they need to they need to be part
18:11
of the family and contribute and kids
18:13
need the kids need boundaries oh they do
18:16
if they need boundaries so much in fact
18:18
we found with some of our kids when
18:20
we’ve given them more boundaries they
18:22
thrive yes because there’s no question
18:25
on what they need to do or how to do it
18:27
and it depends on the age like if you’re
18:29
at ask our older kids when at the
18:31
beginning of the divorce they wanted
18:34
less boundaries and when we got
18:35
remarried right they were like let me do
18:38
my own thing this is you know I don’t
18:40
want anything to do with this so you
18:41
have to be aware of ages and still
18:44
create a safe environment for your kid
18:46
and there still needs to be some
18:46
boundaries you can’t just say no
18:48
boundaries you know whatever you want
18:49
you’re the parent you’re that you’re
18:51
still the parent and the kids actually
18:53
will appreciate that if not right away
18:54
then later in life yeah now another
18:57
thing that you’re going to run into and
18:59
bump up against is competition well yeah
19:02
X and we were horrible at this at first
19:08
it’s just something that I think it’s
19:10
natural I mean I if if you have gotten
19:13
divorced and you didn’t feel competition
19:15
with your ex you know shoot us an email
19:18
because I I want to know yeah no I
19:20
seriously I would love to hear from
19:22
somebody that just felt like there was
19:24
no competition because I think it’s just
19:26
a natural thing like you know you want
19:28
to be the fun parent the cool but the
19:30
kids don’t want to be at mine
19:31
yes I want the kids to be at mine yeah
19:32
yeah totally so how did how did we
19:35
overindulge got say Christmas morning
19:39
first Christmas we changed our tradition
19:41
we’re open one present at a time which
19:42
was your tradition mm-hmm around the
19:45
room and it took us six hours
19:46
yes we’ve talked about this before and
19:49
we put up pictures before yeah go look
19:51
at our traditions outcasts about this
19:53
and you’ll hear the whole story you will
19:55
see the definition of overindulgence
19:59
and we it was it was ridiculous even the
20:01
kids felt like it was ridiculous I mean
20:03
everyone’s like exhausted from opening
20:05
presents that’s really that it is really
20:08
bad but it was our first Christmas
20:11
together and we were trying to you know
20:13
say hey we’re the cool we’re the cool
20:16
ones yeah no we weren’t we still learn
20:18
hi everyone thinks you’re the cool
20:23
parent competing with your ex-spouse is
20:33
is innately going to happen in some
20:35
respects but you’re gonna have to get
20:37
over that and start co-parenting
20:39
together and this is really difficult as
20:43
there’s lots going on whether it’s
20:46
discipline common chores overindulgence
20:50
like we talked about before you have to
20:51
deal with all these same things yeah and
20:54
if you think that parenting is going to
20:57
be the same once you’re divorced you are
20:59
sadly mistaken because oh my goodness
21:03
it’s so difficult because you are if you
21:07
want to discipline your child for
21:08
something that they did wrong you’re
21:10
worried that especially if they’re older
21:11
that they’re gonna be like well I’m just
21:12
gonna go over at my mom’s house or dads
21:14
out you know I mean you you don’t parent
21:16
the same exact way that you know you’re
21:18
parenting from a position of fear and
21:20
aspects yes I mean when you’re you know
21:23
it’s together they you know they may
21:26
threaten to run away but that’s you know
21:27
very rare like they have nowhere to go
21:29
but now they do have somewhere to go to
21:32
and so you worry that oh you know and
21:35
and that yes you’re right I like what
21:38
we’re parenting out of fear and so we
21:40
are not a very bad position it is and I
21:43
think the kids can feel it and they
21:45
start to manipulate that a little bit oh
21:47
not even a little bit yeah your your
21:50
kids will learn really quickly
21:51
especially if you’ve gotten remarried
21:53
and you’re blending a family and your
21:55
ex-spouse house now they have four
21:56
parents to play against each other
21:58
instead of just two yeah and you know
22:02
I’m not saying that all kids are evil or
22:03
anything it’s just human nature to want
22:05
to get what you want and figure out a
22:08
way to do that you’ve got to be adult
22:10
enough to see what’s going on
22:12
and communicative enough with your
22:14
ex-spouse to say hey look here’s the
22:17
situation we need to be a a front
22:23
yeah united united front that’s what I
22:25
was looking for you’re not in front to
22:26
make sure that we’re consistent in this
22:28
thing whether it’s chores or discipline
22:30
or gift-giving it is and it’s hard you
22:33
have to you do you have to have a good
22:35
line of communication with your ex to
22:38
say hey so so-and-so you know did this
22:41
over here they’re granted from TV
22:43
I’d like that grounding to extend over
22:46
to your house and sometimes that works
22:47
and sometimes that does not so you have
22:50
to you have to figure that out sometimes
22:52
it’s just like well when they’re at your
22:54
house and then when they come back a few
22:55
days later then the punishment continues
22:57
ideally I think it should be able to
23:00
extend to both houses but that’s really
23:02
hard especially if you don’t have a good
23:04
relationship with your ex they’re gonna
23:05
go I’m not gonna you know yeah I’m gonna
23:08
be the good parent writer and write the
23:10
parent that they love and not yeah so
23:13
it’s really hard so so that also means
23:15
your discipline you need to be careful
23:16
you can’t ground your kid for life
23:18
anymore like we you know know what you
23:20
used to yes we used to you have to make
23:24
sure that the discipline or the
23:27
consequence for their bad action is
23:33
yeah easily enforceable right yes
23:36
otherwise it really doesn’t matter much
23:38
right right so yeah but it does it does
23:41
feel like a little bit of a competition
23:43
with the parenting and I know some
23:45
people we’ve talked to friends before
23:46
that we’re not really considering
23:48
divorce but you know it was just they
23:50
were having a rough time having a rough
23:52
time and oh if if you know I wasn’t with
23:54
him then you know he he wouldn’t say
23:56
this when I tried to discipline the kids
23:58
and I was like oh sweetheart you’re
24:01
right he’s not gonna be there to say
24:02
that he’ll say that afterwards he’ll say
24:04
it over AG it’s gonna be so much worse
24:07
he’s gonna do things just to make you
24:09
mad like you know I mean like it doesn’t
24:12
it doesn’t get any better no in fact it
24:14
actually is more difficult yes it is in
24:16
co-parenting is such such a hard thing
24:18
to do now here’s another thing that we
24:20
talked about chores so if your kids are
24:24
doing chores in both home
24:26
like let’s say David was mowing the lawn
24:28
at his mom’s house and then every time
24:30
he was here he mowed the lawn – you have
24:33
to also be concerned am i doing too much
24:37
is he not having any downtime so you’ve
24:40
gotta somehow coordinate that with with
24:42
your ex which could be difficult right
24:45
which I don’t think we have ever
24:47
coordinated with your ex on chores no no
24:50
but you have to kind of take you know
24:54
look at what your kids so if they come
24:56
to our house and say oh we just spent
24:58
all day yesterday doing yard work you
25:00
gotta take that q-tip well you’re doing
25:01
yard work here – right needs to be even
25:03
yeah that kind of stinks for them or
25:06
even if they were like oh we spent all
25:08
day yesterday cleaning our rooms and
25:09
you’re thinking oh darn I was just gonna
25:11
have him go really deep clean his room
25:13
take a step back because you’re they’re
25:16
going to resent that and as well as they
25:19
should that is that really stinks and
25:21
they didn’t ask for this so even though
25:23
yes they still need to help with yard
25:25
work and help and keep their rooms clean
25:27
you have to be careful about what has
25:31
already happened at the other house well
25:33
both both on chores as well as fun times
25:36
absolutely if they just went to a
25:39
pumpkin patch right you know yesterday
25:42
and now they’re coming to our house and
25:44
it’s the weekend before you know
25:46
Halloween are we going to a pumpkin
25:48
patch two days in row and that stinks
25:50
because you really want to go do that
25:52
but guess what the kids are like oh well
25:54
I just did that it really stinks and
25:56
sometimes you might have an ex that
25:59
tries to get everything in first right
26:00
yeah can happen it can happen and you
26:03
just have to go with it and if you have
26:06
a good relationship with your ex maybe
26:08
you can talk to them and say listen you
26:10
took him to the pumpkin patch last year
26:12
can I take him that you know or maybe
26:13
you separate them from a couple weeks or
26:15
something right no but right but it’s
26:17
just her remember that kids are getting
26:19
doubled of everything so keep that in
26:21
mind I remember even our kids with
26:23
movies I remember yeah I remember Jacob
26:26
one time was like I’m really tired of
26:28
seeing the same movie twice every single
26:31
time a new movie comes out because it’s
26:33
like oh well we were gonna take you to
26:34
see a movie well I already saw well we
26:37
to take you so sometimes you just have
26:39
to give those things up for the benefit
26:41
of your kids and if it’s really
26:43
important to you don’t give it up and
26:45
and make that known to your kid you know
26:46
what this was really important to me I
26:48
really wanted to do this with you but it
26:50
just can’t be every single time so the
26:53
whole thing around co-parenting and
26:54
overindulgence is take a look at it make
26:58
sure that you’re not doing things twice
27:01
or three times over so let’s take that
27:04
let’s talk about the tips that we want
27:05
to help people out just kind of remind
27:08
people create opportunities that your
27:11
kids can get involved that bring the
27:13
family together and bring positive
27:15
emotions don’t push your kids into doing
27:18
things but create opportunities for them
27:21
to to have with you instead of pushing
27:24
them right don’t force it though don’t
27:26
force it and most importantly have fun
27:28
with your kids absolutely and this does
27:31
not have to be something big a picnic go
27:34
to the park just little things like that
27:36
go do mini-golf just let it go
27:39
stargazing it doesn’t have to be things
27:41
that cost money but do things together
27:43
have a go get an ice-cream at thrifty
27:46
which someone recently said they didn’t
27:48
know that thrifty drugs I didn’t know
27:50
righty-right a didn’t had ice cream I’m
27:52
like what yes it’s really cheap it’s
27:54
really good ice cream but yeah just do
27:56
things together with them do chores
27:58
together do yard work together but do
28:00
things together and don’t think that
28:02
when you get divorced that your
28:03
parenting and your relationship with
28:05
your kids isn’t going to change it’s
28:07
going to change and your parenting style
28:17
so the lemonade moment of the week has
28:19
to do with our two granddaughters or
28:22
actually one of our granddaughters
28:23
they’re visiting this week which has
28:24
been a lot of fun for us it has been a
28:27
great week my birthday week we’ve rented
28:29
out the roller rink roller rink and had
28:32
a bunch of our friends come and family
28:34
and spend tons of fun and yeah so Zoey’s
28:37
here who’s what Zoey five months old
28:39
five months old oh my goodness so she’s
28:40
rolling over now she’s getting on her
28:42
belly and trying to move around and we
28:45
have a little push on Heidi she’s not
28:47
our divorce talk she is not we’ll talk
28:49
about that episode another time but
28:53
Heidi saw her getting up on all fours
28:55
and she thought she wanted to play with
28:57
so Heidi went to town barking at her
29:00
wagging her tail licking her and Jo just
29:04
sat there was smiles and then sad and
29:07
then smiles and it was pretty funny
29:09
you can check out the video it was
29:11
pretty darn cute if you like today’s
29:18
episode give us five stars on iTunes
29:21
Spotify Google and head to Facebook and
29:25
like us and check out our blog at
29:28
where’s the lemonade org where you can
29:30
leave questions and comments yeah but
29:33
most of all go out and make some
29:43
in our next episode we are going to talk
29:46
about coming to terms with paying child
29:48
support and alimony the tough subject it
29:52
is but we’re gonna dig in baby
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