Podcast 1:11 – Bonding with Older Step Children

In this episode, we talked to our older kids, the kids that were out of the house or teenagers when we got married. We asked them some hard questions about blending families, bonding with a step parent and fitting into this new family. We had our eyes opened as our kids did not hold back in their answers. We learned some new things, laughed and cried.

Why was it so hard for the kids

  • Your older kids are typically not with you all of the time. 
  • Kids may not know the true motives of you marrying. For example, are you marrying to be saved? What do your kids think?
  • Older kids might have a hard time seeing you show affection with your new spouse.
  • They might feel that you are replacing their parent.
  • They are feeling like the other kids might exclude the other family when they are bringing up old memories when they were growing up.
  • They have a hard time seeing their family unit change into something else.

How to bond with older children?

  • Relax
  • Do nothing together.
  • Be there physically and mentally.
  • Embrace the old and the new.
  • Get to know one another.
  • Bribing does work. Bribing is also bonding.
  • Celebrate old traditions like Lincoln Chinese.
  • Create new traditions together.
  • Don’t replace their parent, don’t even try. Be authentically you, don’t try to be or compete with the ex.
  • Be patient and give it some time. It could be a lot of time is needed, years, but don’t give up.

Funny Moment of the Week.

  • Sam, Jake, and Paige could not figure out how to break down a stroller to put into the car.  They ended up just putting the whole stroller in the back of the car. When Rachel came home she pulled one lever and the whole thing collapsed.


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