Podcast 1:20 – Triggers, How to deal with and avoid them

Triggers exist from previous marriages, childhood trauma and just living life. In this episode, we discuss how we have been able to navigate triggers, sometimes successfully sometimes not so much. Find out how to handle triggers, avoid them and recover from them.

Triggers

  • Pavlov’s Dogs – Ring a bell and they salivate.
  • A trigger is an intense, emotional reaction to a present behavior that reminds you of something painful from your past. 
  • Triggers can be words, facial expressions, smells, music, sounds, etc…
  • When Paige goes silent Darren gets worried.
  • When Darren is late that is a trigger for Paige
  • Paige needs to know 100% of the truth. No vagueness.
  • Internet use in the middle of the night.
  • Biggest emotion from a trigger is fear.
  • FEAR – False Evidence Appearing Real
  • Some common fears are:
    • Feeling like you’re not enough or unworthy
    • Not feeling safe emotionally or physically
    • Feeling left out or abandoned
    • Feeling misunderstood or invalidated
    • Feeling disrespected or criticized

You Triggered

  • Normally our minds go to completely irrational places based on history that we have had in the past.
  • We have feelings of insecurity, fear, doubt, anger.
  • It seems to happen instantaneously.
  • This might lead to saying the wrong thing. Placing your spouse in an unrealistic environment for failure.
  • What should you do when triggered:
    • You should first recognize you have been triggered. 
    • Tell your spouse that you have been triggered. “That was a trigger for me”.
    • Calm down and try and be rational.
    • Tell your spouse what triggered you.
    • Remember who you are talking to and give them the benefit of the doubt.
  • What if your trigger is justified, a warning sign of bad behavior, or protection.

Your Spouse Triggered

  • Identify what triggers your spouse. Don’t do it.
  • Calm down first.
  • Talk to them rationally after they have been triggered.
  • Talk to them about what caused the trigger. Talk openly about how to avoid the trigger in the future.
  • Remind them that you are not your ex-spouse and that your behavior is not a precursor to other things.
  • Change the words, music, facial expression, smell, whatever the trigger was to avoid it from happening again.

Funny Moment of the Week

We had a family reunion this last week and with two days left the power went out in our remote cabin in Southern Utah. No hot showers and no internet meant we had to spend time talking to each other. 🙂 

Links

Transcription

00:00
[Music]

00:08
hello this is Darren and this is page

00:10
and this is where’s the lemonade where

00:13
we talked about what happens when life

00:15
throws you lemons make some lemonade

00:17
maybe some makes its lemons worse yeah

00:20
some weeks it’s just on today’s episode

00:28
we’re gonna talk about triggers and how

00:30
to avoid them or not to avoid them one

00:34
thing we learned really on in our

00:35
marriage was to identify triggers that

00:39
we have from our previous relationships

00:41
yeah and a lot of them you don’t even

00:44
know that you have until all sudden

00:46
you’re irrationally upset about

00:50
something that your current spouse has

00:54
never done or deserve doesn’t even

00:57
understand and so yeah it’s kind of a

01:00
wait-and-see thing it’s not like you can

01:02
just sit down and go okay here’s a list

01:03
of my triggers no that’s very true and

01:06
but you know what our marriage counselor

01:09
helped us work through that identifying

01:11
triggers and even uncovering some first

01:14
you want we need to say what triggers

01:15
are oh great we’re kind of jumping right

01:18
into the pool we need to wait in a

01:21
little bit so it’s basically something

01:24
from your past you know for us it’s from

01:28
our previous relationship but for some

01:31
people that can also be from a childhood

01:33
you know trauma or it’s you know it’s

01:36
just something painful that happened in

01:37
your past or I remember when you read we

01:40
read a couple articles about this and

01:42
you said Oh childhood trauma you were

01:43
like oh I just I guess I just don’t like

01:46
when people blame everything on their

01:48
childhood I agree with you there I’m

01:50
good you know and I know and I’m not

01:52
trying to belittle traumatic things that

01:55
happen in your childhood that could

01:57
definitely cause you know triggers but I

02:00
would say for the most of us that’s not

02:03
the case and so we need to take

02:05
responsibility for our adult actions as

02:07
well and that would probably be very

02:09
true for our previous relationships –

02:11
we’ve got to learn how to

02:12
overcome our triggers right right which

02:14
are these irrational emotional it’s

02:19
almost like someone firing a gun it

02:21
happens just like yes it’s an irrational

02:24
reaction to something from our past is

02:27
that is that a good way yeah I think

02:28
that’s the best way to explain yeah

02:29
because the our current person that

02:32
we’re with doesn’t hasn’t done anything

02:34
to deserve the irrational response

02:36
they’re getting from us right

02:38
totally agree yeah yeah so that’s I

02:40
guess what a trigger is it’s triggering

02:41
something from our past that we go well

02:44
and we you know get our back up and go

02:47
wait a second when that’s not fair

02:51
exactly well and you know it kind of

02:53
reminds me of that psychology experiment

02:57
with Pavlov’s dogs right they rang a

03:00
bell and fed these dogs for months and

03:03
months and months so every time that

03:05
they ring a bell in the future the dogs

03:08
are started salivating getting ready for

03:09
something so a trigger is kind of like

03:11
that in our previous relationships we

03:15
read the situation we saw the situation

03:19
come and then the results came after so

03:21
we were conditioned to experience the

03:23
same thing over again right and I think

03:26
in our our first relationships we didn’t

03:28
really even understand or acknowledge

03:35
that that was no no it wasn’t the

03:37
defense mechanism yeah and I don’t think

03:39
that we even quite understood really

03:42
what was going on that was just our life

03:44
right and until you get into another

03:47
relationship or maybe in your first

03:51
marriage if you’re you’re trying to move

03:53
past you know those kind that kind of

03:55
destruction just destructive behavior

03:58
those triggers are their their triggers

04:00
are there and you have to try and

04:02
recognize them and move past them so

04:05
like I said you can’t just sit down and

04:07
go here’s all my triggers don’t set them

04:09
off right that would have been nice yeah

04:11
that’s nice yeah boy bezoar if you’re if

04:16
you really want to set your spouse off

04:17
you can you know pull one of those yes

04:19
if you really want Darrin to clean the

04:21
whole house yes that’s what I do when

04:22
I’m upset

04:23
then I can do this yeah that would have

04:25
been nice I know pages pages you use

04:27
that a couple times so some of the

04:31
triggers well another thing that we

04:33
found out was the biggest emotion that

04:35
you have when you’re triggered is

04:36
probably fear yes absolutely right

04:41
because your body is saying I’ve

04:43
experienced this before I recognize this

04:46
I know what’s coming and you’re afraid

04:48
exactly now one of the articles that we

04:51
read it had a what’s a call crinum

04:54
acronym yeah for fear so I said false

04:57
evidence appearing real

04:59
I love that I do too because that’s

05:02
exactly what it is

05:04
yeah it’s Shh you completely miss read

05:09
the whole right environment you’re

05:11
jumping to so many conclusions well your

05:15
conclusions are based off of your

05:16
history exactly so it’s just yeah so

05:19
anyway

05:19
so I guess I might be part of

05:22
forgiveness think about that interesting

05:27
I didn’t think of it that way so as you

05:30
forgive even your ex ex then maybe these

05:34
triggers will start to go away you know

05:37
or if you’re in your if you’re in a

05:38
first relationship if you’re sure if

05:40
you’re forgiving your spouse and well

05:43
you just have to get out of these what

05:47
pattern patterns yes you have to get out

05:49
of the pattern but I you know if your

05:50
spouse is trying to repent and improve

05:53
which we all should be right then if you

05:57
truly are forgiving then you would

05:59
figure out a way to get rid of that

06:01
trigger yeah which I think it’s hard

06:04
especially when there’s so many years

06:05
that could be

06:08
[Music]

06:11
so what was a trigger from me to you

06:17
what what something that triggered you

06:19
when we first got married oh I don’t

06:22
know

06:22
really yeah I don’t know I can’t

06:25
remember do you so it’s just like I

06:28
don’t know what is it

06:30
Oh transparency was a big deal for me so

06:35
yes transparency was big like if I was

06:38
on my phone and mill the night or oh

06:39
yeah that would freak me out

06:41
yeah yeah you want you needed

06:43
transparency in every way yeah

06:46
what are you doing right and I’m like no

06:49
new business no you never said that

06:51
would say if you were to say that that

06:53
would be bad right because I also knew

06:55
that was going to be a we’d already

06:57
talked about how that was a trigger that

06:58
I recognized right yes so no I never

07:01
sent down your business I was like

07:02
playing word bubble exactly well and

07:07
then sometimes like as you said earlier

07:09
we don’t know what our triggers really

07:11
are they could be something that someone

07:12
says something a facial expression a

07:15
smell a sound yes absolutely lack of

07:19
sound which I was the big one for me you

07:22
go quiet well I liked it was a trigger

07:25
cause I’m like oh no what’s going on I

07:28
think I said this in previous podcast

07:31
that I like to think about what I’m

07:34
going to say when were in an archives me

07:36
crazy yes so I like to back off and I

07:39
want to think I don’t want to say

07:40
anything that I will regret later and

07:42
you want to kind of hash it all out

07:44
right there in that moment I do and I

07:47
don’t think that that’s always the right

07:49
thing to know I agree I agree so I like

07:52
to take a step back I like to think and

07:55
revisit it and I don’t you it’s not that

07:57
long it seems like years yeah it’s you

08:01
know an hour but I like you to calm down

08:04
I like me to calm down because then I

08:06
think we’re both more receptive to what

08:09
we’re about to say but that is a trigger

08:12
for you when I get quiet you’re going

08:14
what’s what are you thinking what’s

08:15
going on what is very clear and I’m like

08:17
I just I need I just need a thing and

08:19
that’s that’s that fear right

08:21
yes yes it’s false evidence appearing

08:23
real I your you know I feel like you’re

08:27
distancing yourself and right but that’s

08:30
not the case that’s not the case and

08:32
something that triggers me if you are

08:37
vague if I ask you a question and you’re

08:40
vague in your answer I am like why you

08:44
being vague what tell me Chuck I need to

08:46
know 100% you want every detail got

08:49
everything I do not like vagueness that

08:51
sets me off I need the truth

08:54
really hard when you’re trying to

08:56
surprise your spouse like I was in

09:00
Washington DC

09:01
well I’m there a lot lately and I flew

09:04
home early and I called Paige from the

09:08
car on my way home from the airport this

09:12
Airport this Airport yes and normally

09:14
when I’m on my way home headed to the

09:16
airport to fly from DC home I call her

09:19
and say I’m on my way home right or a

09:21
text right right and this time I said

09:24
I’m on my way home and then Timmins they

09:28
are walked in the house

09:29
yeah that was awesome he said that was

09:31
awesome but I also think that was a

09:33
little you know no I liked it

09:37
do you like to okay I liked it I liked

09:39
it I liked the surprise but I see what

09:41
you’re saying that that yes I because I

09:44
was vague you were you were but I

09:46
thought you were being your normal cuz

09:49
you usually say on my way home so I

09:51
thought you were on the way to the

09:52
airport DC yeah so yeah so we were

09:56
actually on the phone together that

09:57
whole time and I’m on the phone with you

10:00
I’m thinking you’re driving to the

10:02
airport in DC right and all sudden the

10:04
door opens and I’m thinking huh I wonder

10:06
who that it didn’t wonder why you hadn’t

10:08
heard from me in five hours I guess she

10:09
thought I was a meeting you yeah you

10:11
said you’re a media that’s true you said

10:13
you’re a meeting so and a lot of these

10:15
meetings you cannot have any time I

10:17
can’t have technology so no I didn’t

10:19
think anything of it so yeah and then

10:21
I’ll soon you walked in and I was like

10:22
oh that was fun

10:23
that’s fine so um some common fears that

10:25
people have with triggers are what what

10:31
would you say some common fears yeah

10:33
feeling like you’re

10:35
not enough yeah not enough for obviously

10:40
you are otherwise you wouldn’t be

10:41
married but so that’s your rationale

10:44
exactly but you know in certain

10:48
relationships used out over time you

10:50
start to feel like you’re not enough

10:52
yeah you know what I mean yeah I can see

10:54
them so um I’m not feeling our feeling

10:58
misunderstood or overly criticized all

11:00
those things yes and feeling

11:04
disrespected or criticized right you

11:08
know I think those are and so if you if

11:12
you do have that trigger in your new

11:15
relationship you are looking for it

11:18
you’re looking for you’re reading

11:20
between the lines and you’re reading all

11:21
the wrong things in between the lines

11:23
yeah I mean ideally you and your spouse

11:25
should be trying to help each other out

11:27
be the best that you can right right and

11:30
if you’re not doing that shame on you

11:31
you should be right so you need to look

11:34
at yourself if you feel like you’re not

11:36
doing that for your spouse that’s that’s

11:38
you need to be more self aware and I

11:40
mean we all have our moments believe me

11:43
we all have our moments absolutely but

11:46
you know we need to be self aware and I

11:49
think if that’s actually something we’re

11:51
both pretty good at being self aware I’m

11:53
very self aware like if I mean to you I

11:56
know I’m bi

11:57
my head I’m gone why did I just why did

11:59
I just say that mean thing to him like

12:01
I’m very subtle and then I think why is

12:03
she being so mean to me right so I am

12:05
NOT one of those people that is like why

12:08
why did you shake offense that I know

12:09
exactly what I said and why it caused

12:12
offense like I’m very very self-aware

12:13
and I think you are a little bit later

12:16
you’re very self-aware yeah a leader and

12:18
the moment sometimes I forget right but

12:20
later you’re perfect oh thank you

12:24
I’m always it later on perfect not now

12:28
[Music]

12:34
okay so you’re gonna get triggered yes

12:37
my bar it’s just how we’re built yes

12:41
it’s not just a matter of time so as we

12:44
just talked about it our minds go to an

12:46
irrational place it’s irrational for our

12:48
current situation right yes it might not

12:51
have been irrational in our previous

12:52
situation but in our current situation

12:54
it’s irrational and we have to accept

12:58
that and acknowledge that that this is

12:59
irrational and you don’t deserve this

13:02
that’s the thing is you don’t right

13:04
right exactly so you have to remember

13:07
that not all situations are the same and

13:10
we’re going to have a lot of we’re gonna

13:13
be flooded with emotions insecurities

13:16
you know insecurities huge in a new

13:18
relationship and yeah insecurity fear

13:22
doubt anger and which you’ll notices

13:25
triggers happen instantaneously Oh

13:28
in a snap of a finger there it is it’s

13:31
all back it’s all right there yeah

13:34
that’s scary

13:35
I yeah you know I never thought of it as

13:38
scary but you’re right it is scary it is

13:39
it’s scary it’s like oh no are we doing

13:42
this again right is this what’s

13:44
happening again and it’s scary yeah so

13:47
what are your normal reactions when

13:49
you’re triggered since it’s it’s kind of

13:51
overwhelming and it it’s hitting you all

13:53
at once what normally happens what would

13:56
you say what normally happens when

13:57
you’re triggered or what should happen

13:59
no what normally happens when you’re

14:01
triggered um you say the wrong thing I’m

14:03
good at that yeah see you’re better I’m

14:08
getting something you’re you’re a lot

14:11
better at take a deep breath I’m not I’m

14:14
my mouth just goes let’s I gotta fix

14:17
this I’m gonna talk to the true yes that

14:20
is true I think you’re getting better I

14:22
think that over the years when you’ve

14:24
seen me take a step back and you know

14:25
the step back isn’t a negative thing

14:28
yeah it’s a let’s take a breath yeah

14:29
it’s not passive-aggressive it is not

14:31
passive it’s let’s take a minute all

14:33
right let’s think about yeah so but

14:35
that’s hard it can’t be for some people

14:38
it’s hard for most people

14:41
not All Saints like so baby if oh I know

14:44
so in my situation getting triggered I

14:48
get quiet all of a sudden because I sit

14:51
there everything my mind is going low

14:53
this is all happening right yep so it’s

14:56
like oh no oh no oh no but inside I’m

14:58
freaking out you know completely so

15:01
that’s unhealthy

15:02
I know if you don’t talk about it later

15:06
no yeah yeah yeah but if you internalize

15:10
it right and then you’re holding all

15:14
that in you don’t talk about it

15:15
that’s called stomachache yeah it’s bad

15:18
but it’s also bad just to blurt

15:21
everything out yes you know yes your

15:23
trigger is going to trigger history all

15:25
right

15:25
don’t leave the history behind that’s

15:27
cut that stuff so yeah so when we’re

15:29
triggered you’re gonna say the wrong

15:30
thing you’re gonna your minds gonna

15:33
wander to all these wrong conclusions

15:36
that’s what’s gonna happen

15:38
all right so let’s talk about what we

15:39
can do to help us get through a trigger

15:42
okay

15:43
so I like that we’ve talked about this

15:48
last night you need to recognize that

15:50
that you’re triggered yep you Wow you

15:54
just triggered me and it’s not it’s not

15:57
you you’re not well something just

15:59
triggered me right me that’s better to

16:01
say that yeah figured me something just

16:04
triggered me and yeah so the first step

16:08
I feel like we’re we’ve got a you know

16:11
three step program but the front no

16:13
there’s five steps it’s it’s not 12 it’s

16:19
not 12

16:20
so first is recognizing that you are

16:22
triggered yes and that can be saying me

16:25
to you that and what you just answered

16:29
yes I’m triggered that smell that sound

16:31
what you just did that song you know it

16:33
can be animal it could be a song you’re

16:35
gonna be a song yeah so yeah saying you

16:38
know what I unless the second step is

16:40
then to verbalize I’m triggered yes to

16:44
the people that you’re around right I’m

16:46
triggered which means okay watch out

16:52
because everything’s emotional

16:54
you know all over the place I’m gonna go

16:56
to the store real quick I’m gonna go

17:00
clean the closet so yeah so telling your

17:03
spouse you’ve been triggered right right

17:05
and then calm down try and think

17:08
rationally spend some time to realize

17:11
where you currently are you’re not in

17:13
the past you are in a in a current

17:15
situation right and I we talked about

17:17
that hi Darren it’s me it’s Paige

17:21
right that’s the next section oh gosh

17:23
I’m jumping ahead jumping up it’s so

17:25
good that’s I know get there we’ll get

17:28
there okay then you have to tell once

17:32
you’re calm down then you have to tell

17:33
your spouse what you think triggered you

17:36
oh yeah yeah remember we talked about it

17:39
it’s not the perfume that you’re wearing

17:40
right I gotta get you new perfume is

17:43
that the words that you said more likely

17:45
its words or facial expressions like the

17:47
rolling of the eyes or right you know

17:49
the scrunching of the face or whatever

17:51
eyes or the vagueness or whatever

17:53
whatever it is whatever it is it’s if

17:55
you can help identify that trigger

17:58
that’s that’s key and your spouse needs

18:01
to be super understanding and frying

18:05
instead of going that’s so stupid that

18:07
triggered you right yeah we just say

18:10
that that’s not that’s not helpful

18:13
that’s not healthy or helpful yeah you

18:15
have to realize that your spouse has

18:17
been conditioned yes for that trigger

18:21
just like Pavlov’s dog bring the brown

18:23
salivate right so yes be understanding

18:26
and say Oh tell me more about this why

18:28
did this trigger you help right right

18:30
and that’s the fifth step which is

18:32
remember who you’re talking to when

18:34
you’re talking about that trigger it’s

18:35
someone that you love and care about and

18:37
they cares about you cares about you yes

18:39
now what if the trigger is justified

18:42
what do you mean well I’m are we’re

18:46
conditioned to avoid pain and sorrow

18:50
right so if we see something that we

18:53
know this is coming and this trigger

18:56
shows that they’re gonna be pain coming

18:58
up ahead that’s important that we

19:01
recognize those things right so what if

19:03
someone keeps doing there’s a warning

19:06
sign of bad behave

19:07
you can’t just ignore those triggers no

19:10
I mean that’s part of protection right

19:12
so I don’t know do you have an answer

19:15
for this cuz I don’t people we’ve always

19:20
told you we don’t have all the answer in

19:23
this one but B I mean you have to listen

19:25
to the to those triggers you have to

19:28
listen to the warning signs the warning

19:30
signs right we don’t want people in a

19:32
battery bad relationship and fostering

19:34
that bad relationship by just saying I

19:36
was triggered but it’s okay so not

19:39
dismissing it completely you have to

19:42
understand where it’s all coming from

19:44
and what its leading to in this current

19:46
situation that current situation so you

19:49
have to listen to your triggers and then

19:50
assess try and get as rational as you

19:52
can quickly and then assess is this real

19:55
or not

19:56
I like that alright let’s talk about how

20:09
to help your spouse when they’re

20:10
triggered because you can make it really

20:12
good or you can make it really bad yes

20:15
so cuz your spouse is vulnerable they’re

20:18
in a highly emotional state well first

20:21
if you know what triggers your spouse we

20:23
have three little words for you

20:24
don’t do it that is so mean I know what

20:30
triggers my spouse to get him to clean

20:31
the whole house wow that’s pretty mean

20:37
though that would be me so don’t do it

20:39
if you if you can be that self-aware and

20:42
you know realize this is what’s gonna

20:44
trigger my spouse if you really know

20:46
this is gonna trigger don’t do it yeah

20:48
yeah that’s just that’s just

20:51
manipulation that’s not that’s not a

20:53
healthy relation to set them off don’t

20:58
do it well alright so and then also when

21:01
they’re triggered you have to stay

21:02
emotionally calm yes that’s key that is

21:07
if you if you get emotionally charged up

21:09
with them that’s not good

21:11
right then you have to emotionally

21:12
charged people yelling at each other

21:14
right that’s never good and that’s no

21:16
one’s gonna be listening at that point

21:18
okay so talk to them rationally but you

21:22
can’t patronize them no I hate that no

21:25
you hate that with your charge and I’m

21:27
like okay honey let’s talk about our

21:30
feelings so this is what I’m hearing you

21:33
oh my god

21:34
don’t I always say don’t um don’t ther

21:38
ther applies me no that’s a new word I’d

21:41
surprise you grab pies do you like it

21:42
yeah and do you say you’re triggered I

21:47
don’t know do you say that do you point

21:49
out something triggered you you can but

21:53
not like that

21:54
you can say in it wait a minute after

21:56
everyone’s calmed down you can say okay

21:58
so I think I’m talking right away well

22:01
know right away what do you say to your

22:03
spouse yeah well what I say to you is

22:06
let’s calm down yes matron izing and I’m

22:10
we’re gonna talk about this in a little

22:11
bit yeah that’s what we say yeah we’re

22:14
gonna talk about this elephant maybe not

22:15
even say calm down I hate to be I know I

22:18
know you did hate to be told to calm

22:20
down or if an another adult shushes me I

22:22
swear I just want to smack him in the

22:24
face do not shush me I’m an adult anyway

22:27
you should learn yeah we’ll talk about

22:31
how to accept criticism remember the

22:34
kids we could do a whole episode on

22:36
pages yes holy cow the kids have all of

22:39
them or how to take criticism that would

22:41
be an interesting difference yes yes I

22:43
yeah anyway so let’s go back when your

22:47
spouse is trigger the best thing to do

22:49
is not get triggered yourself stay calm

22:51
try and show them calmness without

22:54
patronizing them yes and then when

22:56
they’re calm down talk to them

22:57
rationally and say all right what

22:59
happened what triggered you yes

23:01
absolutely and you can’t have that

23:05
conversation until they’re calm down no

23:07
you can’t you can’t and then after

23:10
you’ve had that conversation or maybe

23:12
even before that you can remind them and

23:14
I said this to you before hi Darren it’s

23:18
me

23:18
it’s me yeah and sometimes that that’s

23:21
snap shoot right now obviously right out

23:23
of it you go that’s right this is who I

23:25
am remember who I am remember that

23:27
love you right yeah absolutely and yes

23:31
so sometimes you have to say hi hi it’s

23:34
me

23:34
and then spend some time talking about

23:36
what triggered write them and don’t

23:38
dismiss it that’s something you can do

23:41
it may sound silly it may sound very

23:43
silly yeah it may be the way that the

23:48
water went down the sink reminded me of

23:50
something from my childhood that who

23:53
knows right right you can’t trivialize

23:57
triggers on people right they’re

23:59
conditioned over over years of

24:01
experience yes but you can talk about I

24:04
have I this isn’t something we said we

24:06
were gonna talk about but I just thought

24:08
of a trigger for me well that’s from my

24:10
childhood it was a thanks to my mom

24:13
Oh your mom mom I love you coughing yes

24:16
I don’t think I’ve ever even told my mom

24:18
this and I know my mom’s gonna listen to

24:20
this so one time I mom was really really

24:23
sick really really really sick and she

24:28
coughed for days maybe even weeks and in

24:35
a childhood dream it may have only been

24:37
hours but no it was it was at least a

24:39
week I swear mom you can confirm or deny

24:42
this but I think it was at least a week

24:44
but I think she was sick for a couple

24:45
weeks

24:45
coffee and coffee and coffee in fact I

24:47
read where she slept on the couch

24:48
because she’d want to keep my dad up all

24:50
night just just non-stop coughing and so

24:54
now what happens when people coughing on

24:56
me oh yeah yeah it drives you crazy

24:57
okay Paige go to the other room I know

25:00
people and it’s funny because like the

25:01
kids apologize like sorry sorry I

25:03
coughed sorry I coughed because I’m just

25:04
like it’s almost like fingernails on a

25:06
chalkboard

25:06
well I remind you of a sad time it does

25:08
mom reminds me I was scared I was scared

25:11
that my mom was so sick and what’s gonna

25:14
happen to her and it really scared me so

25:16
that’s a great example of something that

25:18
you can’t really trivialize right right

25:21
you recognizing that that’s a trigger

25:23
for you is important right right and

25:25
then surround it so that goes on to kind

25:27
of the last thing you could do to help

25:28
your spouse which is see what you can do

25:31
to change the environment so that that

25:34
trigger isn’t bothering them as much so

25:38
either changing words or

25:41
yeah because some of these things are

25:42
unavoidable right yeah exist some please

25:44
are unavoidable so you’re right just

25:46
there might just be a slight change that

25:48
needs to happen your tone of voice the

25:50
yeah your words just a slight change

25:53
that can avoid the trigger in the future

25:55
or you know maybe that song that you

25:57
really enjoyed in the 80’s may drive

25:59
your spouse crazy because it reminds

26:01
them of a horrible breakup right yeah so

26:04
we just have to be aware and like you

26:06
said not dismiss it not trivialize it

26:07
nope because it’s it’s either hurtful or

26:11
painful to your spouse okay can you

26:13
eventually get over your triggers yes

26:16
yeah I think so too yeah yeah I

26:18
definitely think so and you can kind of

26:19
look back and go oh that isn’t that

26:21
funny that you should sugar mean it

26:22
doesn’t even go right yeah so absolutely

26:24
we we can always learn and grow ha ha

26:27
yeah I hope so

26:28
I don’t know I’m getting pretty old yep

26:32
you are okay funny moment of the week

26:43
this week is we always have these weird

26:45
funny moments yes ever marked out funny

26:49
but it’s just almost like not funny ha

26:51
ha like funny well that what happened so

26:53
we had a family reunion we have a family

26:55
reunion every two years on my side of

26:57
the family where my all my siblings and

27:00
their kids and my parents are all there

27:02
and we had it in Brian Head Utah great

27:05
place elevation 10,000 feet so we are

27:07
all like sucking wind up there because

27:09
it was so high in altitude and two days

27:13
into the family reunion the power goes

27:16
out and guess who noticed at first page

27:18
notice at first I did because happen at

27:21
2:00 in the morning Paige was not

27:23
sleeping that night and I had two fans

27:27
on we stopped at Walmart and God wasn’t

27:29
that warm it was just Paige needs the

27:31
noise yes I need the noise so he stopped

27:33
at Walmart bought me a fan and then

27:35
there was a ceiling fan no it was warmer

27:37
at all factor the highs were in the 60s

27:39
it was beautiful beautiful face so I’m

27:41
laying there at 219 a.m. on Saturday

27:45
morning and I’ll send both my fans with

27:48
in the first gene she does I will wake

27:51
me up the power’s out

27:53
I need my fans on I’m sorry okay

28:02
well because I didn’t want to tell you I

28:04
actually didn’t want to say I need my

28:06
fans yes no you said something you made

28:08
some excuse about the food in the

28:09
refrigerator

28:11
he’s like it’ll be fine I’m like dang it

28:15
so he went back to sleep for about 20

28:18
minutes when she woke me up again

28:20
cuz I was snoring well I was trying to

28:22
go to sleep it was 3:00 in the morning

28:24
well yeah so I was up the rest of the

28:27
night not because I woke you up again

28:29
because you were sorry I tried to go

28:33
back to sleep so um they said hey the

28:37
power should be on at 8:00 a.m. in the

28:39
morning that was pushed to 3:00 p.m.

28:41
which was pushed to noon the next day

28:45
which was now three or four days later

28:48
yes

28:49
so our it was interesting because we

28:52
were supposed to cook the last day of

28:54
the family reunion the oven was an

28:57
electric oven but there were grills

28:59
outside and gas stove so we did

29:02
everything on the grill we did and we

29:04
were able to use the stove because it

29:05
was gas now there was no hot water so

29:07
people could not shower that was tough

29:09
but toilets could be flushed that was

29:11
great but we’re all kind of stinky at

29:14
the end by the end of the night because

29:17
we everyone was gonna leave the next

29:18
morning by the end of Saturday night we

29:21
your dad kind of said listen if people

29:23
want to go go and for a lot of people it

29:26
just made sense to go ahead and go but

29:28
for us we stayed in the cabin until

29:30
Sunday it didn’t make any sense for us

29:32
to leave because there was nowhere for

29:33
us to go well there was my parents could

29:36
go but it added like two hours right I’m

29:38
just saying it didn’t it didn’t make

29:39
sense for us so we just stayed and it

29:42
was kind of fun it was like yeah I mean

29:43
yeah it’s amazing what happens when

29:46
there’s no electricity and no internet

29:48
service people actually start talking I

29:49
know we are yeah our phones weren’t

29:51
working either widget because we had

29:52
t-mobile and the t-mobile wasn’t working

29:55
so yeah so so yeah it was fun it was fun

29:58
I didn’t think there was anything yeah

30:00
people thought we were crazy first

30:02
I know and I was like I think it’s I

30:03
think we can survive without our phones

30:05
it was like it was like glam beam glam P

30:08
it was Glenn we had beds and we had

30:09
Twitter was a very nice cabin there was

30:11
no electricity yes beautiful cabin think

30:14
so grandma grandpa

30:15
shoutout to grandpa very very nice time

30:19
if you like today’s episode give us 5

30:23
stars on iTunes Spotify Google and head

30:27
to Facebook and like us and check out

30:29
our blog at where’s the lemonade org

30:32
where you can leave questions and

30:34
comments yeah but most of all go out and

30:37
make some lemonade you betcha baby on

30:45
our next episode we’re going to talk

30:47
about open communication with your

30:49
spouse with your ex-spouse and your kids

30:51
wide open baby

30:55
[Music]

31:11
you

darrenpulsipher

Founder of Yoly Inc. Helping people get socially centered all over the internet.

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