Triggers exist from previous marriages, childhood trauma and just living life. In this episode, we discuss how we have been able to navigate triggers, sometimes successfully sometimes not so much. Find out how to handle triggers, avoid them and recover from them.
Triggers
- Pavlov’s Dogs – Ring a bell and they salivate.
- A trigger is an intense, emotional reaction to a present behavior that reminds you of something painful from your past.
- Triggers can be words, facial expressions, smells, music, sounds, etc…
- When Paige goes silent Darren gets worried.
- When Darren is late that is a trigger for Paige
- Paige needs to know 100% of the truth. No vagueness.
- Internet use in the middle of the night.
- Biggest emotion from a trigger is fear.
- FEAR – False Evidence Appearing Real
- Some common fears are:
- Feeling like you’re not enough or unworthy
- Not feeling safe emotionally or physically
- Feeling left out or abandoned
- Feeling misunderstood or invalidated
- Feeling disrespected or criticized
You Triggered
- Normally our minds go to completely irrational places based on history that we have had in the past.
- We have feelings of insecurity, fear, doubt, anger.
- It seems to happen instantaneously.
- This might lead to saying the wrong thing. Placing your spouse in an unrealistic environment for failure.
- What should you do when triggered:
- You should first recognize you have been triggered.
- Tell your spouse that you have been triggered. “That was a trigger for me”.
- Calm down and try and be rational.
- Tell your spouse what triggered you.
- Remember who you are talking to and give them the benefit of the doubt.
- What if your trigger is justified, a warning sign of bad behavior, or protection.
Your Spouse Triggered
- Identify what triggers your spouse. Don’t do it.
- Calm down first.
- Talk to them rationally after they have been triggered.
- Talk to them about what caused the trigger. Talk openly about how to avoid the trigger in the future.
- Remind them that you are not your ex-spouse and that your behavior is not a precursor to other things.
- Change the words, music, facial expression, smell, whatever the trigger was to avoid it from happening again.
Funny Moment of the Week
We had a family reunion this last week and with two days left the power went out in our remote cabin in Southern Utah. No hot showers and no internet meant we had to spend time talking to each other. 🙂
Links
Transcription
00:00
[Music]
00:08
hello this is Darren and this is page
00:10
and this is where’s the lemonade where
00:13
we talked about what happens when life
00:15
throws you lemons make some lemonade
00:17
maybe some makes its lemons worse yeah
00:20
some weeks it’s just on today’s episode
00:28
we’re gonna talk about triggers and how
00:30
to avoid them or not to avoid them one
00:34
thing we learned really on in our
00:35
marriage was to identify triggers that
00:39
we have from our previous relationships
00:41
yeah and a lot of them you don’t even
00:44
know that you have until all sudden
00:46
you’re irrationally upset about
00:50
something that your current spouse has
00:54
never done or deserve doesn’t even
00:57
understand and so yeah it’s kind of a
01:00
wait-and-see thing it’s not like you can
01:02
just sit down and go okay here’s a list
01:03
of my triggers no that’s very true and
01:06
but you know what our marriage counselor
01:09
helped us work through that identifying
01:11
triggers and even uncovering some first
01:14
you want we need to say what triggers
01:15
are oh great we’re kind of jumping right
01:18
into the pool we need to wait in a
01:21
little bit so it’s basically something
01:24
from your past you know for us it’s from
01:28
our previous relationship but for some
01:31
people that can also be from a childhood
01:33
you know trauma or it’s you know it’s
01:36
just something painful that happened in
01:37
your past or I remember when you read we
01:40
read a couple articles about this and
01:42
you said Oh childhood trauma you were
01:43
like oh I just I guess I just don’t like
01:46
when people blame everything on their
01:48
childhood I agree with you there I’m
01:50
good you know and I know and I’m not
01:52
trying to belittle traumatic things that
01:55
happen in your childhood that could
01:57
definitely cause you know triggers but I
02:00
would say for the most of us that’s not
02:03
the case and so we need to take
02:05
responsibility for our adult actions as
02:07
well and that would probably be very
02:09
true for our previous relationships –
02:11
we’ve got to learn how to
02:12
overcome our triggers right right which
02:14
are these irrational emotional it’s
02:19
almost like someone firing a gun it
02:21
happens just like yes it’s an irrational
02:24
reaction to something from our past is
02:27
that is that a good way yeah I think
02:28
that’s the best way to explain yeah
02:29
because the our current person that
02:32
we’re with doesn’t hasn’t done anything
02:34
to deserve the irrational response
02:36
they’re getting from us right
02:38
totally agree yeah yeah so that’s I
02:40
guess what a trigger is it’s triggering
02:41
something from our past that we go well
02:44
and we you know get our back up and go
02:47
wait a second when that’s not fair
02:51
exactly well and you know it kind of
02:53
reminds me of that psychology experiment
02:57
with Pavlov’s dogs right they rang a
03:00
bell and fed these dogs for months and
03:03
months and months so every time that
03:05
they ring a bell in the future the dogs
03:08
are started salivating getting ready for
03:09
something so a trigger is kind of like
03:11
that in our previous relationships we
03:15
read the situation we saw the situation
03:19
come and then the results came after so
03:21
we were conditioned to experience the
03:23
same thing over again right and I think
03:26
in our our first relationships we didn’t
03:28
really even understand or acknowledge
03:35
that that was no no it wasn’t the
03:37
defense mechanism yeah and I don’t think
03:39
that we even quite understood really
03:42
what was going on that was just our life
03:44
right and until you get into another
03:47
relationship or maybe in your first
03:51
marriage if you’re you’re trying to move
03:53
past you know those kind that kind of
03:55
destruction just destructive behavior
03:58
those triggers are their their triggers
04:00
are there and you have to try and
04:02
recognize them and move past them so
04:05
like I said you can’t just sit down and
04:07
go here’s all my triggers don’t set them
04:09
off right that would have been nice yeah
04:11
that’s nice yeah boy bezoar if you’re if
04:16
you really want to set your spouse off
04:17
you can you know pull one of those yes
04:19
if you really want Darrin to clean the
04:21
whole house yes that’s what I do when
04:22
I’m upset
04:23
then I can do this yeah that would have
04:25
been nice I know pages pages you use
04:27
that a couple times so some of the
04:31
triggers well another thing that we
04:33
found out was the biggest emotion that
04:35
you have when you’re triggered is
04:36
probably fear yes absolutely right
04:41
because your body is saying I’ve
04:43
experienced this before I recognize this
04:46
I know what’s coming and you’re afraid
04:48
exactly now one of the articles that we
04:51
read it had a what’s a call crinum
04:54
acronym yeah for fear so I said false
04:57
evidence appearing real
04:59
I love that I do too because that’s
05:02
exactly what it is
05:04
yeah it’s Shh you completely miss read
05:09
the whole right environment you’re
05:11
jumping to so many conclusions well your
05:15
conclusions are based off of your
05:16
history exactly so it’s just yeah so
05:19
anyway
05:19
so I guess I might be part of
05:22
forgiveness think about that interesting
05:27
I didn’t think of it that way so as you
05:30
forgive even your ex ex then maybe these
05:34
triggers will start to go away you know
05:37
or if you’re in your if you’re in a
05:38
first relationship if you’re sure if
05:40
you’re forgiving your spouse and well
05:43
you just have to get out of these what
05:47
pattern patterns yes you have to get out
05:49
of the pattern but I you know if your
05:50
spouse is trying to repent and improve
05:53
which we all should be right then if you
05:57
truly are forgiving then you would
05:59
figure out a way to get rid of that
06:01
trigger yeah which I think it’s hard
06:04
especially when there’s so many years
06:05
that could be
06:08
[Music]
06:11
so what was a trigger from me to you
06:17
what what something that triggered you
06:19
when we first got married oh I don’t
06:22
know
06:22
really yeah I don’t know I can’t
06:25
remember do you so it’s just like I
06:28
don’t know what is it
06:30
Oh transparency was a big deal for me so
06:35
yes transparency was big like if I was
06:38
on my phone and mill the night or oh
06:39
yeah that would freak me out
06:41
yeah yeah you want you needed
06:43
transparency in every way yeah
06:46
what are you doing right and I’m like no
06:49
new business no you never said that
06:51
would say if you were to say that that
06:53
would be bad right because I also knew
06:55
that was going to be a we’d already
06:57
talked about how that was a trigger that
06:58
I recognized right yes so no I never
07:01
sent down your business I was like
07:02
playing word bubble exactly well and
07:07
then sometimes like as you said earlier
07:09
we don’t know what our triggers really
07:11
are they could be something that someone
07:12
says something a facial expression a
07:15
smell a sound yes absolutely lack of
07:19
sound which I was the big one for me you
07:22
go quiet well I liked it was a trigger
07:25
cause I’m like oh no what’s going on I
07:28
think I said this in previous podcast
07:31
that I like to think about what I’m
07:34
going to say when were in an archives me
07:36
crazy yes so I like to back off and I
07:39
want to think I don’t want to say
07:40
anything that I will regret later and
07:42
you want to kind of hash it all out
07:44
right there in that moment I do and I
07:47
don’t think that that’s always the right
07:49
thing to know I agree I agree so I like
07:52
to take a step back I like to think and
07:55
revisit it and I don’t you it’s not that
07:57
long it seems like years yeah it’s you
08:01
know an hour but I like you to calm down
08:04
I like me to calm down because then I
08:06
think we’re both more receptive to what
08:09
we’re about to say but that is a trigger
08:12
for you when I get quiet you’re going
08:14
what’s what are you thinking what’s
08:15
going on what is very clear and I’m like
08:17
I just I need I just need a thing and
08:19
that’s that’s that fear right
08:21
yes yes it’s false evidence appearing
08:23
real I your you know I feel like you’re
08:27
distancing yourself and right but that’s
08:30
not the case that’s not the case and
08:32
something that triggers me if you are
08:37
vague if I ask you a question and you’re
08:40
vague in your answer I am like why you
08:44
being vague what tell me Chuck I need to
08:46
know 100% you want every detail got
08:49
everything I do not like vagueness that
08:51
sets me off I need the truth
08:54
really hard when you’re trying to
08:56
surprise your spouse like I was in
09:00
Washington DC
09:01
well I’m there a lot lately and I flew
09:04
home early and I called Paige from the
09:08
car on my way home from the airport this
09:12
Airport this Airport yes and normally
09:14
when I’m on my way home headed to the
09:16
airport to fly from DC home I call her
09:19
and say I’m on my way home right or a
09:21
text right right and this time I said
09:24
I’m on my way home and then Timmins they
09:28
are walked in the house
09:29
yeah that was awesome he said that was
09:31
awesome but I also think that was a
09:33
little you know no I liked it
09:37
do you like to okay I liked it I liked
09:39
it I liked the surprise but I see what
09:41
you’re saying that that yes I because I
09:44
was vague you were you were but I
09:46
thought you were being your normal cuz
09:49
you usually say on my way home so I
09:51
thought you were on the way to the
09:52
airport DC yeah so yeah so we were
09:56
actually on the phone together that
09:57
whole time and I’m on the phone with you
10:00
I’m thinking you’re driving to the
10:02
airport in DC right and all sudden the
10:04
door opens and I’m thinking huh I wonder
10:06
who that it didn’t wonder why you hadn’t
10:08
heard from me in five hours I guess she
10:09
thought I was a meeting you yeah you
10:11
said you’re a media that’s true you said
10:13
you’re a meeting so and a lot of these
10:15
meetings you cannot have any time I
10:17
can’t have technology so no I didn’t
10:19
think anything of it so yeah and then
10:21
I’ll soon you walked in and I was like
10:22
oh that was fun
10:23
that’s fine so um some common fears that
10:25
people have with triggers are what what
10:31
would you say some common fears yeah
10:33
feeling like you’re
10:35
not enough yeah not enough for obviously
10:40
you are otherwise you wouldn’t be
10:41
married but so that’s your rationale
10:44
exactly but you know in certain
10:48
relationships used out over time you
10:50
start to feel like you’re not enough
10:52
yeah you know what I mean yeah I can see
10:54
them so um I’m not feeling our feeling
10:58
misunderstood or overly criticized all
11:00
those things yes and feeling
11:04
disrespected or criticized right you
11:08
know I think those are and so if you if
11:12
you do have that trigger in your new
11:15
relationship you are looking for it
11:18
you’re looking for you’re reading
11:20
between the lines and you’re reading all
11:21
the wrong things in between the lines
11:23
yeah I mean ideally you and your spouse
11:25
should be trying to help each other out
11:27
be the best that you can right right and
11:30
if you’re not doing that shame on you
11:31
you should be right so you need to look
11:34
at yourself if you feel like you’re not
11:36
doing that for your spouse that’s that’s
11:38
you need to be more self aware and I
11:40
mean we all have our moments believe me
11:43
we all have our moments absolutely but
11:46
you know we need to be self aware and I
11:49
think if that’s actually something we’re
11:51
both pretty good at being self aware I’m
11:53
very self aware like if I mean to you I
11:56
know I’m bi
11:57
my head I’m gone why did I just why did
11:59
I just say that mean thing to him like
12:01
I’m very subtle and then I think why is
12:03
she being so mean to me right so I am
12:05
NOT one of those people that is like why
12:08
why did you shake offense that I know
12:09
exactly what I said and why it caused
12:12
offense like I’m very very self-aware
12:13
and I think you are a little bit later
12:16
you’re very self-aware yeah a leader and
12:18
the moment sometimes I forget right but
12:20
later you’re perfect oh thank you
12:24
I’m always it later on perfect not now
12:28
[Music]
12:34
okay so you’re gonna get triggered yes
12:37
my bar it’s just how we’re built yes
12:41
it’s not just a matter of time so as we
12:44
just talked about it our minds go to an
12:46
irrational place it’s irrational for our
12:48
current situation right yes it might not
12:51
have been irrational in our previous
12:52
situation but in our current situation
12:54
it’s irrational and we have to accept
12:58
that and acknowledge that that this is
12:59
irrational and you don’t deserve this
13:02
that’s the thing is you don’t right
13:04
right exactly so you have to remember
13:07
that not all situations are the same and
13:10
we’re going to have a lot of we’re gonna
13:13
be flooded with emotions insecurities
13:16
you know insecurities huge in a new
13:18
relationship and yeah insecurity fear
13:22
doubt anger and which you’ll notices
13:25
triggers happen instantaneously Oh
13:28
in a snap of a finger there it is it’s
13:31
all back it’s all right there yeah
13:34
that’s scary
13:35
I yeah you know I never thought of it as
13:38
scary but you’re right it is scary it is
13:39
it’s scary it’s like oh no are we doing
13:42
this again right is this what’s
13:44
happening again and it’s scary yeah so
13:47
what are your normal reactions when
13:49
you’re triggered since it’s it’s kind of
13:51
overwhelming and it it’s hitting you all
13:53
at once what normally happens what would
13:56
you say what normally happens when
13:57
you’re triggered or what should happen
13:59
no what normally happens when you’re
14:01
triggered um you say the wrong thing I’m
14:03
good at that yeah see you’re better I’m
14:08
getting something you’re you’re a lot
14:11
better at take a deep breath I’m not I’m
14:14
my mouth just goes let’s I gotta fix
14:17
this I’m gonna talk to the true yes that
14:20
is true I think you’re getting better I
14:22
think that over the years when you’ve
14:24
seen me take a step back and you know
14:25
the step back isn’t a negative thing
14:28
yeah it’s a let’s take a breath yeah
14:29
it’s not passive-aggressive it is not
14:31
passive it’s let’s take a minute all
14:33
right let’s think about yeah so but
14:35
that’s hard it can’t be for some people
14:38
it’s hard for most people
14:41
not All Saints like so baby if oh I know
14:44
so in my situation getting triggered I
14:48
get quiet all of a sudden because I sit
14:51
there everything my mind is going low
14:53
this is all happening right yep so it’s
14:56
like oh no oh no oh no but inside I’m
14:58
freaking out you know completely so
15:01
that’s unhealthy
15:02
I know if you don’t talk about it later
15:06
no yeah yeah yeah but if you internalize
15:10
it right and then you’re holding all
15:14
that in you don’t talk about it
15:15
that’s called stomachache yeah it’s bad
15:18
but it’s also bad just to blurt
15:21
everything out yes you know yes your
15:23
trigger is going to trigger history all
15:25
right
15:25
don’t leave the history behind that’s
15:27
cut that stuff so yeah so when we’re
15:29
triggered you’re gonna say the wrong
15:30
thing you’re gonna your minds gonna
15:33
wander to all these wrong conclusions
15:36
that’s what’s gonna happen
15:38
all right so let’s talk about what we
15:39
can do to help us get through a trigger
15:42
okay
15:43
so I like that we’ve talked about this
15:48
last night you need to recognize that
15:50
that you’re triggered yep you Wow you
15:54
just triggered me and it’s not it’s not
15:57
you you’re not well something just
15:59
triggered me right me that’s better to
16:01
say that yeah figured me something just
16:04
triggered me and yeah so the first step
16:08
I feel like we’re we’ve got a you know
16:11
three step program but the front no
16:13
there’s five steps it’s it’s not 12 it’s
16:19
not 12
16:20
so first is recognizing that you are
16:22
triggered yes and that can be saying me
16:25
to you that and what you just answered
16:29
yes I’m triggered that smell that sound
16:31
what you just did that song you know it
16:33
can be animal it could be a song you’re
16:35
gonna be a song yeah so yeah saying you
16:38
know what I unless the second step is
16:40
then to verbalize I’m triggered yes to
16:44
the people that you’re around right I’m
16:46
triggered which means okay watch out
16:52
because everything’s emotional
16:54
you know all over the place I’m gonna go
16:56
to the store real quick I’m gonna go
17:00
clean the closet so yeah so telling your
17:03
spouse you’ve been triggered right right
17:05
and then calm down try and think
17:08
rationally spend some time to realize
17:11
where you currently are you’re not in
17:13
the past you are in a in a current
17:15
situation right and I we talked about
17:17
that hi Darren it’s me it’s Paige
17:21
right that’s the next section oh gosh
17:23
I’m jumping ahead jumping up it’s so
17:25
good that’s I know get there we’ll get
17:28
there okay then you have to tell once
17:32
you’re calm down then you have to tell
17:33
your spouse what you think triggered you
17:36
oh yeah yeah remember we talked about it
17:39
it’s not the perfume that you’re wearing
17:40
right I gotta get you new perfume is
17:43
that the words that you said more likely
17:45
its words or facial expressions like the
17:47
rolling of the eyes or right you know
17:49
the scrunching of the face or whatever
17:51
eyes or the vagueness or whatever
17:53
whatever it is whatever it is it’s if
17:55
you can help identify that trigger
17:58
that’s that’s key and your spouse needs
18:01
to be super understanding and frying
18:05
instead of going that’s so stupid that
18:07
triggered you right yeah we just say
18:10
that that’s not that’s not helpful
18:13
that’s not healthy or helpful yeah you
18:15
have to realize that your spouse has
18:17
been conditioned yes for that trigger
18:21
just like Pavlov’s dog bring the brown
18:23
salivate right so yes be understanding
18:26
and say Oh tell me more about this why
18:28
did this trigger you help right right
18:30
and that’s the fifth step which is
18:32
remember who you’re talking to when
18:34
you’re talking about that trigger it’s
18:35
someone that you love and care about and
18:37
they cares about you cares about you yes
18:39
now what if the trigger is justified
18:42
what do you mean well I’m are we’re
18:46
conditioned to avoid pain and sorrow
18:50
right so if we see something that we
18:53
know this is coming and this trigger
18:56
shows that they’re gonna be pain coming
18:58
up ahead that’s important that we
19:01
recognize those things right so what if
19:03
someone keeps doing there’s a warning
19:06
sign of bad behave
19:07
you can’t just ignore those triggers no
19:10
I mean that’s part of protection right
19:12
so I don’t know do you have an answer
19:15
for this cuz I don’t people we’ve always
19:20
told you we don’t have all the answer in
19:23
this one but B I mean you have to listen
19:25
to the to those triggers you have to
19:28
listen to the warning signs the warning
19:30
signs right we don’t want people in a
19:32
battery bad relationship and fostering
19:34
that bad relationship by just saying I
19:36
was triggered but it’s okay so not
19:39
dismissing it completely you have to
19:42
understand where it’s all coming from
19:44
and what its leading to in this current
19:46
situation that current situation so you
19:49
have to listen to your triggers and then
19:50
assess try and get as rational as you
19:52
can quickly and then assess is this real
19:55
or not
19:56
I like that alright let’s talk about how
20:09
to help your spouse when they’re
20:10
triggered because you can make it really
20:12
good or you can make it really bad yes
20:15
so cuz your spouse is vulnerable they’re
20:18
in a highly emotional state well first
20:21
if you know what triggers your spouse we
20:23
have three little words for you
20:24
don’t do it that is so mean I know what
20:30
triggers my spouse to get him to clean
20:31
the whole house wow that’s pretty mean
20:37
though that would be me so don’t do it
20:39
if you if you can be that self-aware and
20:42
you know realize this is what’s gonna
20:44
trigger my spouse if you really know
20:46
this is gonna trigger don’t do it yeah
20:48
yeah that’s just that’s just
20:51
manipulation that’s not that’s not a
20:53
healthy relation to set them off don’t
20:58
do it well alright so and then also when
21:01
they’re triggered you have to stay
21:02
emotionally calm yes that’s key that is
21:07
if you if you get emotionally charged up
21:09
with them that’s not good
21:11
right then you have to emotionally
21:12
charged people yelling at each other
21:14
right that’s never good and that’s no
21:16
one’s gonna be listening at that point
21:18
okay so talk to them rationally but you
21:22
can’t patronize them no I hate that no
21:25
you hate that with your charge and I’m
21:27
like okay honey let’s talk about our
21:30
feelings so this is what I’m hearing you
21:33
oh my god
21:34
don’t I always say don’t um don’t ther
21:38
ther applies me no that’s a new word I’d
21:41
surprise you grab pies do you like it
21:42
yeah and do you say you’re triggered I
21:47
don’t know do you say that do you point
21:49
out something triggered you you can but
21:53
not like that
21:54
you can say in it wait a minute after
21:56
everyone’s calmed down you can say okay
21:58
so I think I’m talking right away well
22:01
know right away what do you say to your
22:03
spouse yeah well what I say to you is
22:06
let’s calm down yes matron izing and I’m
22:10
we’re gonna talk about this in a little
22:11
bit yeah that’s what we say yeah we’re
22:14
gonna talk about this elephant maybe not
22:15
even say calm down I hate to be I know I
22:18
know you did hate to be told to calm
22:20
down or if an another adult shushes me I
22:22
swear I just want to smack him in the
22:24
face do not shush me I’m an adult anyway
22:27
you should learn yeah we’ll talk about
22:31
how to accept criticism remember the
22:34
kids we could do a whole episode on
22:36
pages yes holy cow the kids have all of
22:39
them or how to take criticism that would
22:41
be an interesting difference yes yes I
22:43
yeah anyway so let’s go back when your
22:47
spouse is trigger the best thing to do
22:49
is not get triggered yourself stay calm
22:51
try and show them calmness without
22:54
patronizing them yes and then when
22:56
they’re calm down talk to them
22:57
rationally and say all right what
22:59
happened what triggered you yes
23:01
absolutely and you can’t have that
23:05
conversation until they’re calm down no
23:07
you can’t you can’t and then after
23:10
you’ve had that conversation or maybe
23:12
even before that you can remind them and
23:14
I said this to you before hi Darren it’s
23:18
me
23:18
it’s me yeah and sometimes that that’s
23:21
snap shoot right now obviously right out
23:23
of it you go that’s right this is who I
23:25
am remember who I am remember that
23:27
love you right yeah absolutely and yes
23:31
so sometimes you have to say hi hi it’s
23:34
me
23:34
and then spend some time talking about
23:36
what triggered write them and don’t
23:38
dismiss it that’s something you can do
23:41
it may sound silly it may sound very
23:43
silly yeah it may be the way that the
23:48
water went down the sink reminded me of
23:50
something from my childhood that who
23:53
knows right right you can’t trivialize
23:57
triggers on people right they’re
23:59
conditioned over over years of
24:01
experience yes but you can talk about I
24:04
have I this isn’t something we said we
24:06
were gonna talk about but I just thought
24:08
of a trigger for me well that’s from my
24:10
childhood it was a thanks to my mom
24:13
Oh your mom mom I love you coughing yes
24:16
I don’t think I’ve ever even told my mom
24:18
this and I know my mom’s gonna listen to
24:20
this so one time I mom was really really
24:23
sick really really really sick and she
24:28
coughed for days maybe even weeks and in
24:35
a childhood dream it may have only been
24:37
hours but no it was it was at least a
24:39
week I swear mom you can confirm or deny
24:42
this but I think it was at least a week
24:44
but I think she was sick for a couple
24:45
weeks
24:45
coffee and coffee and coffee in fact I
24:47
read where she slept on the couch
24:48
because she’d want to keep my dad up all
24:50
night just just non-stop coughing and so
24:54
now what happens when people coughing on
24:56
me oh yeah yeah it drives you crazy
24:57
okay Paige go to the other room I know
25:00
people and it’s funny because like the
25:01
kids apologize like sorry sorry I
25:03
coughed sorry I coughed because I’m just
25:04
like it’s almost like fingernails on a
25:06
chalkboard
25:06
well I remind you of a sad time it does
25:08
mom reminds me I was scared I was scared
25:11
that my mom was so sick and what’s gonna
25:14
happen to her and it really scared me so
25:16
that’s a great example of something that
25:18
you can’t really trivialize right right
25:21
you recognizing that that’s a trigger
25:23
for you is important right right and
25:25
then surround it so that goes on to kind
25:27
of the last thing you could do to help
25:28
your spouse which is see what you can do
25:31
to change the environment so that that
25:34
trigger isn’t bothering them as much so
25:38
either changing words or
25:41
yeah because some of these things are
25:42
unavoidable right yeah exist some please
25:44
are unavoidable so you’re right just
25:46
there might just be a slight change that
25:48
needs to happen your tone of voice the
25:50
yeah your words just a slight change
25:53
that can avoid the trigger in the future
25:55
or you know maybe that song that you
25:57
really enjoyed in the 80’s may drive
25:59
your spouse crazy because it reminds
26:01
them of a horrible breakup right yeah so
26:04
we just have to be aware and like you
26:06
said not dismiss it not trivialize it
26:07
nope because it’s it’s either hurtful or
26:11
painful to your spouse okay can you
26:13
eventually get over your triggers yes
26:16
yeah I think so too yeah yeah I
26:18
definitely think so and you can kind of
26:19
look back and go oh that isn’t that
26:21
funny that you should sugar mean it
26:22
doesn’t even go right yeah so absolutely
26:24
we we can always learn and grow ha ha
26:27
yeah I hope so
26:28
I don’t know I’m getting pretty old yep
26:32
you are okay funny moment of the week
26:43
this week is we always have these weird
26:45
funny moments yes ever marked out funny
26:49
but it’s just almost like not funny ha
26:51
ha like funny well that what happened so
26:53
we had a family reunion we have a family
26:55
reunion every two years on my side of
26:57
the family where my all my siblings and
27:00
their kids and my parents are all there
27:02
and we had it in Brian Head Utah great
27:05
place elevation 10,000 feet so we are
27:07
all like sucking wind up there because
27:09
it was so high in altitude and two days
27:13
into the family reunion the power goes
27:16
out and guess who noticed at first page
27:18
notice at first I did because happen at
27:21
2:00 in the morning Paige was not
27:23
sleeping that night and I had two fans
27:27
on we stopped at Walmart and God wasn’t
27:29
that warm it was just Paige needs the
27:31
noise yes I need the noise so he stopped
27:33
at Walmart bought me a fan and then
27:35
there was a ceiling fan no it was warmer
27:37
at all factor the highs were in the 60s
27:39
it was beautiful beautiful face so I’m
27:41
laying there at 219 a.m. on Saturday
27:45
morning and I’ll send both my fans with
27:48
in the first gene she does I will wake
27:51
me up the power’s out
27:53
I need my fans on I’m sorry okay
28:02
well because I didn’t want to tell you I
28:04
actually didn’t want to say I need my
28:06
fans yes no you said something you made
28:08
some excuse about the food in the
28:09
refrigerator
28:11
he’s like it’ll be fine I’m like dang it
28:15
so he went back to sleep for about 20
28:18
minutes when she woke me up again
28:20
cuz I was snoring well I was trying to
28:22
go to sleep it was 3:00 in the morning
28:24
well yeah so I was up the rest of the
28:27
night not because I woke you up again
28:29
because you were sorry I tried to go
28:33
back to sleep so um they said hey the
28:37
power should be on at 8:00 a.m. in the
28:39
morning that was pushed to 3:00 p.m.
28:41
which was pushed to noon the next day
28:45
which was now three or four days later
28:48
yes
28:49
so our it was interesting because we
28:52
were supposed to cook the last day of
28:54
the family reunion the oven was an
28:57
electric oven but there were grills
28:59
outside and gas stove so we did
29:02
everything on the grill we did and we
29:04
were able to use the stove because it
29:05
was gas now there was no hot water so
29:07
people could not shower that was tough
29:09
but toilets could be flushed that was
29:11
great but we’re all kind of stinky at
29:14
the end by the end of the night because
29:17
we everyone was gonna leave the next
29:18
morning by the end of Saturday night we
29:21
your dad kind of said listen if people
29:23
want to go go and for a lot of people it
29:26
just made sense to go ahead and go but
29:28
for us we stayed in the cabin until
29:30
Sunday it didn’t make any sense for us
29:32
to leave because there was nowhere for
29:33
us to go well there was my parents could
29:36
go but it added like two hours right I’m
29:38
just saying it didn’t it didn’t make
29:39
sense for us so we just stayed and it
29:42
was kind of fun it was like yeah I mean
29:43
yeah it’s amazing what happens when
29:46
there’s no electricity and no internet
29:48
service people actually start talking I
29:49
know we are yeah our phones weren’t
29:51
working either widget because we had
29:52
t-mobile and the t-mobile wasn’t working
29:55
so yeah so so yeah it was fun it was fun
29:58
I didn’t think there was anything yeah
30:00
people thought we were crazy first
30:02
I know and I was like I think it’s I
30:03
think we can survive without our phones
30:05
it was like it was like glam beam glam P
30:08
it was Glenn we had beds and we had
30:09
Twitter was a very nice cabin there was
30:11
no electricity yes beautiful cabin think
30:14
so grandma grandpa
30:15
shoutout to grandpa very very nice time
30:19
if you like today’s episode give us 5
30:23
stars on iTunes Spotify Google and head
30:27
to Facebook and like us and check out
30:29
our blog at where’s the lemonade org
30:32
where you can leave questions and
30:34
comments yeah but most of all go out and
30:37
make some lemonade you betcha baby on
30:45
our next episode we’re going to talk
30:47
about open communication with your
30:49
spouse with your ex-spouse and your kids
30:51
wide open baby
30:55
[Music]
31:11
you
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