Where's the Lemonade

Finding lemonade when life gives you lemons.

Podcast 1:24 – Coming to terms with Child Support and Alimony

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When people get divorces there is a huge financial explosion. All of the assets you have built together are now going to be exploded and divided. Not just two ways, lawyers will get their cut as well. But your financial obligation does not stop there, it is just the beginning. The emotions around money in a divorce, alimony, and child support are pretty raw. In this episode, we investigate those feelings and how to deal with them.

Divorce is Costly

  • Divorce is expensive. Especially if you have assets to divide, and if you are contesting child custody or alimony. 
  • Typical divorces cost $20,000 but can easily balloon to over $100,000.
  • Many couples find themselves in bankruptcy after a divorce or right before it is finalized.
  • The divorce is just the beginning for costs. You need to make the money that you have now pay for two homes, two sets of clothes, etc…
  • A good income just went to an ok income.
  • Everything you have been working for your whole life has been destroyed. Now divided to 4 parties. You, your ex,  the lawyers, and the kids. 
  • Courts do not want to make subjective rules on support. They default to a calculator as much as possible, based on your situation. Every state has a calculator. You can find them online.
  • Pay what the court mandates you have to pay. Not paying only gets you in trouble with the court and cost you so much more.
  • You may run into a problem with garnishment. 
  • Keep all of you returned checks or receipts when you pay child support or alimony. Most states will garnish wages before evidence is brought forth.

Feeling of resentment

  • You may have feelings of resentment if you pay a large amount of child support or alimony to your ex. 
  • When you work 60 hours a week and you see your ex buy a new car, or boat or go on a trip to Europe, you have a feeling that you paid for those things and how is that fair?
  • You need to get over it. I try to disconnect my paying child support to anything going in my Exes life.  Even after several years it still stings sometimes.
  • The feeling of resentment can also occur with your spouse. Why do they get to go to Hawaii and we cannot afford it?
  • Be mindful of how you can cause resentment if you are receiving support are you bragging about your new car, trip, etc.. on Facebook? Is that causing resentment to the one you are getting support from? 
  • You should not be friends with your ex on Facebook. 
  • When you blend the families you need to work through who is working where etc…
    • When we got married Paige wanted to stay home with the little kids. But we were not sure we could afford it. That caused resentment because Darren makes a good living, but is now supporting two households.

Tips 

  • Try your best to limit how much the lawyers get, by working with your ex.
  • You need a post divorce life budget. Your finances are very different now.
  • You should not be writing a personal check. Find ways to take the emotion out of it. Setting up automatic payments if possible. 
  • Keep the canceled check or proof of payment.
  • Don’t expect an account of where the money is spent. No judge will require this.
  • Make it as business-like as possible.  Make it a bill pay from your bank.
  • Some states have payment options through the state website.
    • We pay through the state and we pay with our credit card and get points for Travel.
  • Consider it a tax or something that comes up automatically.

Transcript

00:01
[Music]

00:08
hello this is Darren and this is page

00:10
and this is where’s the lemonade where

00:13
we talked about what happens when life

00:15
throws you lemons make some lemonade

00:17
maybe some weeks it’s lemons worse yeah

00:20
some weeks it’s just lemons on today’s

00:29
episode we’re gonna talk about child

00:31
support and alimony

00:32
money money money so yeah let’s get to

00:36
the nitty-gritty baby yeah I mean we’re

00:38
gonna talk about money but we’re gonna

00:39
talk more about the emotional side of

00:42
paying alimony and child support it is

00:45
very emotional money is emotional yes it

00:50
is without a divorce money causes lots

00:53
of emotions but in a divorce it’s even

00:56
worse and divorce is extremely costly it

00:59
can be for some people it can especially

01:02
if you have assets that need to be

01:04
divided or if you’re contesting any

01:06
child support or child custody or any of

01:08
that the lawyers are making a lot of

01:12
money off of the arguments that you’re

01:14
having with your ex that is true so the

01:16
more you can stay away from them the

01:17
better right absolutely no offense to

01:19
any of the lawyers we have lots of good

01:21
friends that our lawyers love you

01:22
lawyers but the more that you can do to

01:25
agree on things the better off you’re

01:26
going to be as far as yes and they can’t

01:29
be necessary you know sometimes you you

01:30
just have to to bite the bullet and get

01:33
a lawyer because you need to have

01:34
someone that knows what they’re doing

01:35
yeah absolutely cuz even getting stuff

01:39
through an amicable divorce through the

01:41
court system can be difficult because of

01:43
all the paperwork and the process that

01:45
you have to follow right a typical

01:47
divorce in the United States today costs

01:48
about twenty thousand dollars and if

01:51
it’s contested they can easily spiral

01:53
out of control into the hundreds of

01:54
thousands of dollars that’s crazy to me

01:56
because you and I had two very different

01:58
divorces we did yeah yours was much more

02:01
right on the back of an envelope and

02:04
you’re done almost yeah we went to the

02:06
courthouse and met with my gaiter yeah

02:09
kind of a mediator for free and she

02:12
wrote down

02:13
the things that we talked about I mean

02:15
we really had we had very little assets

02:18
we didn’t own a home the cars we owned

02:21
were junk yeah I mean we didn’t really

02:24
have any save you like we there was not

02:26
there was we were dividing up the debt

02:29
not the assets exactly and for me there

02:32
were assets I’d spent you know my whole

02:35
life building up a nest egg so that we

02:37
could be financially secure so we had to

02:40
split up those assets well we did some

02:43
research on this most people who go

02:45
through a divorce end up declaring

02:46
bankruptcy that’s that makes me really

02:49
sad right but we ours ours cost a little

02:54
bit more at first but not that much not

02:57
at first right well when we divided

02:59
everything up but it is costly it’s

03:03
difficult because all that stuff that

03:06
you’ve gathered over the years is now

03:07
going to be divided in half but actually

03:09
not even in half because the lawyers are

03:11
going to take a bite of that as well

03:12
right so it’s divided in several

03:15
different parts just keep that in mind

03:17
and it’s well like you said everything

03:21
that you’d been working for right you

03:23
had a career going you had all these

03:25
things built up and and if you’re going

03:27
through a divorce with very negative

03:30
emotions which most divorces are yeah

03:32
it’s going to make you even angrier to

03:36
watch half of your nest egg or more half

03:40
or more because you’re you’re paint or

03:42
you better sell that brand-new Porsche

03:44
that you bought you know where you had a

03:47
Porsche no I did not have a poor she’s

03:48
gonna say oh it was a minivan babe yeah

03:52
that’s all there was

03:53
you’re holding out on me yeah but no you

03:56
can have a lot of resentment build up

03:59
because of these monetary things right

04:03
right and it’s important to understand

04:05
that the divorce part is just the first

04:08
part of your monetary disaster that’s

04:12
happening to you right you divided all

04:14
your assets in you know in half actually

04:17
more than that once everyone takes their

04:20
you know chunk of meat out of you and

04:24
then after that if you are the primary

04:26
red earner then you have alimony and

04:29
child support to pay right now let’s

04:32
explain to people that aren’t aware of

04:35
how it works and we can only speak for

04:38
California because we don’t know exactly

04:40
what happens in other states but in

04:41
California people people are always

04:45
interested in and how how it is

04:47
determined that how much child support

04:48
you pay and how much child support I

04:51
receive right because I receive child

04:52
support from my ex and you pay child

04:54
support that’s correct

04:55
to your ex and people are always curious

04:57
about how much and how did you decide

05:00
that we do not decide that no the court

05:03
decides that and they use a calculator

05:04
it’s actually pretty simple

05:05
yeah and almost every state has a

05:08
calculator a child support calculator

05:11
you go on there you say how much your

05:13
income is how much your spouse’s income

05:15
is and then they tell you who pays what

05:17
to who and if you are a stay-at-home mom

05:22
right or stay-at-home dad home dad they

05:26
put you at minimum wage right they

05:29
assess you at they assess your the

05:31
minimum wage so and then what they do is

05:33
they then take a look at how much time

05:38
you have with the kids and I thought

05:39
naively that all right I make this much

05:43
money and I’m getting the kids half the

05:46
time so I should only pay for half of

05:48
the expenses do you think right but my

05:53
ex didn’t work she stayed at home and

05:55
raise the kids like we had discussed

05:56
right and we plan on but even if even if

06:01
that was different just because we’re

06:02
50/50 custody doesn’t mean that hey it’s

06:06
it’s break-even now doesn’t work that

06:08
way the calculators are pretty accurate

06:09
um and most judges will just say what’s

06:12
the calculators say right because he

06:14
doesn’t want to deal with well he said

06:17
this or she said that it’s just hand in

06:19
your w-2s and or your 1040 s whatever

06:24
the numbers on there that’s what we use

06:25
in the calculator and you’re done right

06:27
yeah they don’t care about all the

06:29
little incidentals I don’t care if you

06:31
go in there and say well he went to you

06:33
know Hawaii or Germany with the feint

06:35
the judge doesn’t care right there are

06:37
some circumstances that

06:39
occur if you have a kid with special

06:41
needs or things like that but the what I

06:44
found in the courts is they don’t they

06:47
don’t want to get in the middle of the

06:48
fight between you two right so they

06:51
refer primarily to these calculators

06:53
which are not subjective I mean there

06:56
you put the numbers in and it spits a

06:58
number out so right um you can go look

07:01
those things up yourself and you’ll find

07:04
that divorce is not worth it monetarily

07:06
as just not no no you went from

07:09
supporting one household to now you’re

07:12
supporting two two households and so

07:15
basically what that means we were

07:16
explaining this to Madeline today right

07:18
we were talking about our episode and

07:19
she said oh so that means you have a lot

07:21
less spending money and we said yeah

07:23
yeah that’s what it means that is right

07:25
so what used to be a nice life with you

07:28
know we did this and we did that because

07:29
we had extra money now that extra money

07:31
that you used to have because you had a

07:33
good income is now all gone well and

07:36
that’s the same if you have a two-income

07:38
household as well because you both put

07:40
your money together to rent a house or

07:43
buy a house you work that together and

07:45
now you have to with that same pot of

07:48
money you now have to buy two houses

07:50
right afford to rinse two sets of

07:53
clothing it’s very expensive yes it is

07:56
so like I said our our divorces were

07:59
very different monetarily very very

08:03
different so I think it was harder maybe

08:06
on you because you saw you know your

08:09
assets dwindling away you know where we

08:12
didn’t have any assets they were never

08:14
there at a dwindles yeah I I would I

08:16
really went into my first marriage

08:19
planning on it to be forever and I

08:21
wanted to retire it you know a spry age

08:24
of in my 50s and I was all on track to

08:28
do that and it all disappeared right so

08:30
that’s that’s what we’re gonna talk

08:31
about in a second here is the resentment

08:33
that that can can bring but we have to

08:36
talk about some other things first pay

08:38
what the court tells you to pay yeah

08:41
don’t don’t goof around with that stuff

08:43
even if maybe your spouse owes you half

08:47
of medical bills or half of volleyball

08:49
camp or whatever it was don’t take that

08:52
out of the monthly

08:53
payment that you owe them for alimony or

08:55
child support the court doesn’t care all

08:58
they want to see is did you pay them the

09:00
amount that the court dictated you know

09:02
keep that completely separate

09:04
garnishment can happen as well and the

09:07
state state of California is like this

09:09
all you have to do if you want

09:11
garnishment is say they haven’t paid no

09:14
evidence is needed nothing they’ll

09:16
immediately start garnishing your wages

09:18
from your employer and then you’ve got

09:20
to go back to court and fight that right

09:22
which sometimes can cause problems yeah

09:26
as the court takes time and your payroll

09:28
what your work takes time there was a

09:31
couple months there where I actually

09:32
paid my whole paycheck to the court so I

09:35
went without money for a couple months

09:37
it was that was not good that was a

09:39
rough couple of months my credit card

09:41
was are all the way pegged right and the

09:45
judge felt bad about that well the judge

09:46
told ya the judge was like oh man and

09:49
you still had to take the time to

09:52
reverse all of this and that was

09:53
actually they won’t reverse it no they

09:56
won’t they don’t reverse it they won’t

09:57
cut you a check

09:58
it’s just they just say well it’s going

09:59
forward so you’ve already paid for the

10:01
next two months yeah we weren’t getting

10:04
any money back so I was like oh I mean

10:08
goes now you’ll figure it out I said oh

10:10
thank you

10:11
so just you got to keep track of things

10:14
that’s you know be be cognizant of

10:17
garnishments stay on top of paying your

10:20
child support and alimony yep definitely

10:23
[Music]

10:28
okay let’s talk about the feelings on

10:31
paying child support let’s talk about my

10:34
feelings first are we talk about just

10:37
child support or alimony no alimony and

10:40
child support both right all clump

10:41
together it’s all clumped together I you

10:44
know some people separate well I can’t

10:46
imagine paying alimony but I will pay

10:48
child support

10:49
well when push comes to shove it’s money

10:51
going to the other person right right at

10:54
your ex whether it’s your wife is paying

10:57
you or you’re paying your wife it really

10:59
doesn’t matter there’s always a little

11:02
bit of resentment there Oh a lot of it

11:04
when you first get a lot of a lot when

11:07
you first let’s not let’s not Pollyanna

11:10
this it’s it’s a lot when you first get

11:13
divorced because like you said you’re

11:14
sitting here going holy cow all this

11:18
that I’ve worked for I’ve just given

11:19
half or more away now I’m every single

11:23
month I’m having to give almost half of

11:25
my paycheck what you know it it was

11:27
tough right it is tough and you know

11:29
City California recognizes that and they

11:31
didn’t want to make sure that no no

11:33
person that’s paying alimony and child

11:35
support goes without so they limit the

11:39
amount that you have to pay to half of

11:41
your gross woohoo yeah that’s loads of

11:44
fun right so hey do the math on taxes

11:48
and all that then you’re really left

11:50
with at the end of the month about 15

11:52
percent of your gross which really

11:55
stinks yes but remember that’s if you’re

11:59
the only breadwinner and then things go

12:01
that right every situations different of

12:02
course every situation is different but

12:04
you can have a lot of this resentment I

12:05
just work 60 hours a week and my whole

12:08
paycheck just went into my ex right it’s

12:12
a really a hard feeling and it takes

12:14
time to get over that but eventually

12:16
time has to be has to be a play in that

12:20
time does help and I think I mean it’s

12:23
hard and sometimes just when you think

12:25
right you start looking at it

12:26
differently like you know what I might

12:28
we don’t even look at that money it

12:29
doesn’t right we act as if that money

12:31
never even came to us it’s just not even

12:34
there but then when you see you know and

12:36
acts you know I haven’t I’ve had friends

12:37
with this there

12:38
X goes and buys a new car are there on a

12:40
fancy vacation right you can’t help but

12:43
let those feelings creep up again right

12:45
it’s like Oh glad I paid for that

12:49
you know it’s yeah so you have to take

12:51
the attitude of I consider it myself as

12:53
a tax right it’s a tax that I have to

12:56
pay and when one of my kids moves out of

13:00
the house finally then that tax goes

13:02
down a little bit so that’s a happy day

13:03
well we should say that too so how it

13:05
works in California and I think most

13:08
states yeah the child when the child

13:10
graduates from high school and/or is 19

13:14
or is 19 okay they have to be 18 and

13:16
graduated from high school or 19 years

13:19
18 okay and then if that’s the case then

13:23
you don’t pay child support anymore on

13:26
that child right right now there could

13:28
be other things that you’ve agreed to

13:30
pay like college or things like that but

13:32
else that’s outside of the norm right so

13:36
normally it’s child support and until

13:39
that time so you know parents are

13:41
usually very excited when their kids

13:42
graduate from high school I’m super

13:44
excited there’s an added excitement yes

13:48
child support I get a decrease in my tax

13:51
which sounds horrible but you know what

13:54
little things I look for it’s reality

13:56
it’s just it’s our reality but that

13:59
resentment that you feel it’s real and

14:01
it’s something that you’ve got to deal

14:02
with and get over because you can sit

14:06
there and stew about it every time that

14:07
you you know pay and you came up with a

14:10
great idea on this that we could talk

14:13
about a little bit about and that is

14:15
don’t write a personal check every week

14:17
yeah we were doing that when we’ve heard

14:19
you and I first got married we were

14:20
doing that for your ex we were just

14:22
writing a check right and see I don’t

14:24
know why that seemed to be just a little

14:25
more painful or you know I don’t know so

14:28
we write the check after either mail it

14:31
or we had to drop it by it just seemed a

14:33
little more personal yeah I was person

14:35
and you’re and you’re you’re trying to

14:37
you need to turn it into a business trip

14:39
yes you’re trying to depersonalized

14:41
these things in the beginning you have

14:43
to de personalize absolutely and never

14:46
ever ever give a check to one of your

14:49
kids no they are not them there

14:52
your carrier and they should not know

14:54
how much the alimony is that’s none of

14:56
their business

14:56
right there child support right they

14:58
should know how much that is

15:00
that’s adult conversation it’s not for

15:02
the kids right because what you’ve now

15:04
done is the kids now feel that there’s a

15:06
price attached to them attached to them

15:08
yes yeah right so yeah so like you you

15:14
pay through the website through the

15:16
state I do yeah which is nice because it

15:19
to me it’s just another bill that I have

15:22
to pay every month right so I don’t see

15:24
it as as personal it’s just business

15:28
yeah you just when you sit down to do

15:29
bills that’s one of the bills you do you

15:31
quickly go in there and it’s done and

15:32
for me the child support that I get from

15:36
my ex it’s actually deducted from his

15:37
wages so he never has to sit down and

15:40
write a check it just goes into my bank

15:42
account I was in yeah yeah so I think

15:44
that that help might help a little bit

15:46
to just you know step was help you step

15:49
back a little bit from it yeah that’s an

15:51
important part now we an added benefit

15:53
by paying through the stay because we

15:55
pay with a credit card that has miles so

15:58
that’s always nice right we get point we

16:00
do and so if you’re looking for some

16:02
kind of bright you know light at the end

16:04
of this dark tunnel hey we’re getting

16:06
points are getting points me will get a

16:07
free free night stay somewhere that’s

16:09
right that’s right so let’s see what

16:11
else we got um oh here’s the other thing

16:13
be mindful if you are receiving child

16:16
support or alimony be mindful not to

16:19
kind of rub it in when you and your new

16:21
spouse or maybe you and a significant

16:25
other your family are off on vacationing

16:28
and spending money because the person

16:30
that’s paying for that they’re seeing

16:31
this and that may cause some resentment

16:33
so we said well how can we do that I

16:36
mean that’s so once if we came up with

16:38
was don’t be a friend with your ex on

16:41
Facebook I think that that actually just

16:43
can lead to a lot of so many problems

16:46
problems

16:47
so yes it’s priming if you’re in a good

16:50
situation with your ex which some people

16:52
are and you think it’s great to see

16:54
pictures of them on their vacation or

16:56
with the kids bulb ah great

16:58
but if your for if your friends because

17:00
you think this is the right thing to do

17:02
and every time you’ve seen

17:03
you just it hurts then just just to

17:06
friend or I think there’s unfriend them

17:08
unfriend there’s ways to do that without

17:10
yeah them anyway just maybe don’t follow

17:14
each other on social media I think that

17:15
that’s a good way to lessen some

17:17
resentment yeah

17:18
now there’s also resentment that you

17:20
have felt in the past as well yeah with

17:24
me paying alimony and child support yes

17:26
yes I’m ninety nine percent over I now

17:29
for sure but no there certainly have

17:31
been times where you know maybe we’ve

17:34
wanted to go somewhere or buy something

17:36
or and you know I think gosh you make a

17:39
pretty good living we should be able to

17:42
do this and say well we don’t have the

17:45
money for it though right we’re gonna

17:46
have to save up for it yeah yeah and I’m

17:48
like wow because it’s going over there

17:51
you know so there have definitely have

17:53
been times where I’m just like oh my

17:54
goodness but then I have to remember how

17:56
my ex feels paying me right I I don’t

18:00
think that he’s excited about sending me

18:02
money every month no so these are really

18:05
really tough emotions to deal with and a

18:07
lot of times we don’t talk about this

18:09
right as divorced people well no I can’t

18:11
feel that way you know who knows you

18:14
know but no these are real emotions that

18:16
you feel they are resentment is a really

18:18
something that can really build up with

18:21
in regards to support and alimony and

18:24
it’s best to just I like what you said

18:26
it’s another bill it’s a tax try and

18:29
separate yourself from it but it’s still

18:30
gonna creep in and when it does go ahead

18:33
and let it out how to recognize it

18:35
recognize it and just let it out and not

18:38
with your kids or anything or with your

18:40
ex not with your ex no boo don’t don’t

18:43
go there with your ex well and there’s

18:44
also a tendency sometimes to take that

18:46
resentment and tack it on to something

18:49
else that might be going on with the

18:50
kids right whether it’s arranging the

18:53
summer schedule or the Christmas

18:54
schedule alright trying to coordinate a

18:57
special dinner for a birthday you gotta

18:59
separate it right and that can be really

19:01
hard

19:03
[Music]

19:09
okay now that we know divorce costs a

19:12
lot and that we all have resentment

19:14
towards money about it’s just more good

19:16
things when it comes to divorce yeah um

19:19
here are some things that we’ve read a

19:22
couple articles about this the links are

19:24
on our website you can go and take a

19:25
look some of them I didn’t completely

19:27
agree with some of them had some good

19:29
information in there but um one of the

19:31
the key things that we found was do your

19:35
best to limit how much time you’re using

19:37
your lawyers yeah so do your best to

19:42
have an agreement if you can with your

19:44
ex as quickly as you can

19:46
the longer drags out the more emotional

19:48
it gets right so and because your

19:51
lawyers will gladly take as much money

19:53
as you’re willing to give them

19:55
absolutely yeah lawyers definitely want

19:57
you fighting with each other well not

20:00
all of them but they’re not sad no cuz

20:03
that’s their business how they make

20:04
their living that’s exactly right

20:05
this is how they make their living so

20:07
another important thing to realize

20:09
another big tip is when you’re divorced

20:12
you got to change your budget it’s a

20:15
different world people yes I remember

20:17
when you and I first got married I

20:19
remember you saying like oh we really

20:22
shouldn’t be buying paper towels and I

20:24
was like holy smokes well cuz we

20:27
couldn’t afford it I know I was like we

20:29
can’t you know and here I thought I

20:30
married a guy making a pretty good wage

20:32
and yet we we were we were more than

20:36
tight it was it was pretty it was pretty

20:39
grim in the beginning but yeah we we had

20:42
to sit down and work out a budget yes

20:44
and I had to you know compare all the

20:47
prices at winkel and Costco and and you

20:50
know what you got to do what you got to

20:51
do yep and and the reason why is because

20:53
all the money that you had in an pool

20:55
before if both spouses are working or

20:57
just one now has to support two houses

21:00
right by two electric bills two

21:03
mortgages the whole thing so it’s

21:04
different so don’t think that getting a

21:07
divorce you’re living the high life now

21:09
that is not the case nope not unless

21:11
you’re Jeff Bezos

21:14
no comments we don’t want to get in that

21:18
situation the next one oh we talked

21:21
about this avoid writing a personal

21:23
check especially avoid involving the

21:26
kids at all and in it turn it into a

21:27
business transaction I’m paying for

21:31
these services the services of my kids I

21:34
don’t know the best way to put that that

21:35
sounds horrible but it’s the services of

21:38
taking care of the kids right right so a

21:40
business take emotion out of it have it

21:42
be business keep track of records if you

21:45
are writing checks or getting checks

21:48
keep proof of those you may need it one

21:50
day luckily if you do pay on the website

21:53
like that you do it keeps track of it it

21:55
keeps track of it I don’t have to worry

21:57
about which is nice and then I don’t

21:59
have to keep track of either because it

22:00
goes right into the bank account so I

22:01
can see and they do send us a statement

22:03
every month the Department of California

22:05
sends us statements every month but you

22:08
know it’s it’s good to keep track of a

22:10
paper trail of what’s going on one that

22:12
ties into the next one don’t expect if

22:15
you’re paying child support don’t expect

22:17
your ex spouse to have a detailed list

22:21
of receipts of what they spent that

22:22
money on that is none of your business

22:24
it is not and the judge doesn’t care

22:27
either exactly the judge will laugh at

22:30
you yeah so if you get you know your

22:32
resentment is building because you’re

22:34
going you’re not spending this money on

22:36
the kids you bought a new car and you

22:37
see you’ve got extensions and yes you

22:39
know whatever it is it doesn’t matter it

22:43
doesn’t matter even though you sit there

22:46
and going it doesn’t matter it’s not

22:48
your call it’s not so don’t even ask for

22:52
the receipts you send that money as long

22:54
as your kids are being fed and clothed

22:57
and housed that’s what it’s there for

23:00
yep exactly what else oh some states

23:05
have payment options through a state

23:06
website this is really kind of nice

23:08
because now you’re disconnecting

23:09
yourself from your ex-spouse there’s no

23:13
direct transaction to them it goes to

23:16
the state and then the state disperses

23:17
the funds that’s how we do it it’s

23:20
really easy for us I pay the state and

23:23
it’s done it’s it’s easy that way yep

23:26
it is easy and if you don’t do that you

23:28
can only if you don’t want to write a

23:29
check you could always do bill pay from

23:31
your bank that’s a little less emotional

23:34
than writing that check I don’t know why

23:35
Bank yes it comes from the bank

23:37
but it just lessens the emotions well

23:39
it’s only a couple clicks on a website

23:41
instead of writing their new last name

23:44
yeah exactly it’s it sounds silly but

23:48
these tips kind of help break down all

23:51
that emotional they do and then like we

23:53
already said consider it just it’s

23:56
another bill however you need to think

23:59
of it to get you past those emotions

24:02
because those emotions are just weighing

24:03
you down in your new life really Dave we

24:06
are but also realize that those emotions

24:08
will come back every once in a while oh

24:09
yeah

24:10
um hopefully not as often as when you

24:13
first get divorced but all right our

24:21
lemonade moment of the week has to do

24:24
with a beautiful beautiful day in San

24:27
Francisco so this week was a great week

24:30
we haven’t talked much about this week

24:32
you know it was my big birthday and so

24:37
the kid my kids were here grandkids were

24:40
here this week we had a big roller

24:41
skating parties tons and tons of fun

24:43
yeah we invited our closest friends a

24:45
hundred and fifty of them yes it was so

24:48
fun it was a blast

24:49
it was fun we’ve had a great week we

24:51
swam a lot we did fun things and then

24:53
Saturday we were gonna go to San

24:56
Francisco for the day and we hopped in

25:00
the car yeah we thought I said was is

25:02
gonna take us two hours all over two

25:03
hours they took us three hours and 15

25:06
minutes yeah it just kept as we’re

25:07
driving it’s adding on civic the time

25:09
getting less and less the time kept

25:10
adding and adding and as having PST PTSD

25:15
sorry post-traumatic stress distress

25:18
disorder from the ten years I can meet

25:20
it in the Bay Area it all came back in a

25:23
wash as I was sitting there in traffic

25:25
with nowhere to go

25:27
you were pretty grumpy I was grumpy you

25:29
were but when we got that I kept trying

25:32
to poke you or tease you but it wasn’t

25:33
really working no

25:35
just irritating and then she turned the

25:39
music up as loud as possible I wanted

25:41
the one did you want the whole car to be

25:44
grumpy with you oh I did not I was being

25:47
quiet I was trying to when I get grumpy

25:49
I just get quiet I was trying to make

25:51
lemonade you were making lemonade for

25:53
everyone else I yeah like so I got the

25:56
lemon rinds after that yeah I was trying

25:59
to make lemonade for the rest of the car

26:01
so we were singing and having a good

26:03
time and once we got there we had a

26:04
great time with cadence Exploratorium

26:07
pier 39 clam chowder yum yum yum had a

26:11
great day and the way back we had no

26:13
traffic it was beautiful so eliminating

26:15
moment with the meat of the week was

26:17
making fun out of a dire situation yeah

26:22
you can have it you didn’t have any fun

26:24
in it but we did I did afterwards I did

26:27
once we got to San Francisco no weather

26:28
there oh the weather was beautiful

26:30
spectacular so if you’re stuck in a

26:33
traffic jam don’t be like Darren don’t

26:40
be grumpy there’s nothing under

26:42
significant there’s nothing we can do

26:43
about it so I could turn around and go

26:45
home I was feeling that way I know you

26:47
were but we had committed to going so we

26:50
went and we had fun we did it was it was

26:53
a fun day if you liked today’s episode

27:00
give us five stars on iTunes Spotify

27:03
Google and head to Facebook and like us

27:06
and check out our blog at where’s the

27:09
lemonade org where you can leave

27:11
questions and comments yeah but most of

27:14
all go out and make some lemonade you

27:16
bet you baby

27:18
[Music]

27:23
in our next episode we’re going to talk

27:25
about friends splitting them after the

27:28
divorce and making friends in the same

27:30
social circles it is a social field full

27:33
of landmines for your enjoyment here’s a

27:39
blooper from this week and deal with

27:43
those emotions make sure that you

27:44
understand what they are sir price

27:47
cooker our rice is done yeah I’m gonna

27:56
cut that out don’t cut it out we’re real

27:58
here people we got rice anyway I think

28:03
we’re we’re wrapping it up right yeah

28:15
you

darrenpulsipher

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