This week Paige continues to teach Darren what she learned at “Education Week”. This episode we tackle managing problems, not solving problem, managing them. Some problems, like putting socks in the hamper, take a long to solve, but all problems can be managed.
Exacerbated by my kids, your kids. We are sensitive to this and what we actually do it.
Complaints aren’t fun but we need to deal with them
What complaints do we need to share?
You need to decide what is important
Only the couple can decide together.
Four-step problem solving
Discuss Use speaker listening technique
Structured way to communicate safely. The point is to create safety in the relationship.
I felt Z, when you did X, in situation Y.
Be respectful and be specific
Make sure you respect the rules
Taking time to discuss says, “I want to know and understand you better.
You are ready to move on when you both understand each other’s Point of View
Set an Agenda
Pick a bite-sized piece to work on
ex – Problem is money – bite-size piece is talk about max out visa
write down all your good ideas and how to address the problem
Try to make all suggestions positive – both in tone (not snarky) and in terms of what you can do rather than what to stop doing
Don’t criticize or roll eyes
One of the reasons it’s hard for couples to find a solution that sticks is that they try to find the perfect solution to the whole problem right now. That’s not realistic.
Choose one idea you brainstormed together to experiment with, and set a timeframe to make it work.
Regular Couple Meetings
Once a weekly meeting to meet together to talk about issues and check-in. Regular maintenance meeting. Keep things small and manageable. 30 minutes
Keep a running list and limit what you talk about for 30 minutes
Dealing with problems does not mean solving it.
Lemonade Moment of the Week
We have a dog. A small dog. A dog that seeks revenge by peeing in the house. We removed all of our carpet downstairs. Putting in carpet squares.