Podcast 2:19 – Unity not Equality in Marriage


In this episode, Darren and Paige discuss how things in a marriage are not always equally balanced, but focusing on unity in a marriage can overcome the ups and downs of the equality equation. How do you balance the leadership roles with household management, discipline of kids, managing money, fostering romance, and providing for the family.

Fostering Equality

  • “Neither man nor woman is perfect or complete without the other. No marriage… is likely to reach its full potential until husbands and wives … work together in unity of purpose, respecting and relying upon each other’s strengths.”
  • One of the greatest stumbling blocks in marital Satisfaction is sharing leadership
    • Kids,
    • Money,
    • Sex,
    • Work inside and outside of the home
  • 3 of the 10 top ten strengths of happy couples are related to Leadership sharing

Love and Respect Each other as Equal Partners

  • Walk side by side with respect, appreciation and love.
  • Each person in the relationship provides strengths and weaknesses to the relationship. 
  • Strengths should be focused on to cover weaknesses. Together your strengths outshine you individual weaknesses
  • Focusing on Weaknesses breakdown the relationship and exposes the relationship and individuals.
  • Working as a Team like a basketball or a football team. Not one player can cover the complete field. Individuals have different roles and strengths together win. The key is respect and appreciation for the strengths each brings.

Making it real

Roles and Controlling

  • Ultimately, the couple is responsible for everything together.
  • Roles are taken by individuals to help achieve goals of the couple.
    • Paying bills,
    • Homework with kids,
    • Financially providing
    • Cleaning House,
    • Laundry,
    • Yard work,
  • Roles shift depending on the circumstances and environment at the time.
  • Hiding information is a way of controlling.

Shared Decision Making

  • When do you need to make decisions together and when can you make a decision as an individual.
    • Money, is there a limit on how much  > $500?
    • Where to live,
    • The discipline of kids and stepkids
  • When the decision effect the family the decision should be made together.

Acting and Celebrating as One

  • Men and women are very different. They have different strengths. Individuals as well.
  • The different strengths come together to make the marriage one a single entity that is stronger and happier than the individual.
  • Very hard when you are blending families:
    • Different attitudes toward money, disciple, 
  • Do you celebrate the success of each other’s individual success?
  • Do you celebrate together? ( Everyone gets a Superbowl ring.)

Lemonade moment of the week

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