Podcast 3:11 – The Over Communicative Ex

Does your spouse spend too much time on the phone with their Ex? Does the Ex just walk into the house and help themselves to food? In this episode Darren & Paige look at the “Over Communicative Ex”. The problem is not the Ex it is your spouse. They cover some practical tips to establish boundaries.

What is an overly communicative spouse?

Evaluate the current communication situation between your spouse and their ex. If you are not happy with what is going on then you need to set some boundaries.

  • The ex calls to emotionally attach to your spouse
  • Calls to fix something at the house
  • Runs out of gas.
  • Comes into the house without permission

Setting Boundaries

  • Play the long Game
    • People avoid setting boundaries because they don’t want conflict.
    • Start sooner than later. Get your boundaries up now.
  • Avoid Emotional Conversations
    • Table the issue until there are cool heads.
    • Think about your spouse’s situation; they have to deal with their Ex and now you.
    • Also, Your spouse should not be having emotional conversations with their Ex. Keep it business.
  • Explain Exactly What Bothers You and why
    • Be specific about why the communication bothers you and how it makes you feel.
    • Your spouse is not a mind reader.
    • Only a stepmom can understand the emotion and situation they are in.
  • Communicate to understand
    • Try to understand why your spouse responds the way they do with their Ex.
    • There is a specific reason they are doing it.
  • Come to terms
    • Come to terms that the Ex is always going to be a part of your life.
    • You will always have to work at it.
    • Setting boundaries is not something you check off your to-do list.
  • Understand that there may be guilt and Loyalty issues
    • Why is there some loyalty to the Ex?
    • Why are they still falling under the I am going to make you guilty spell.
  • Ask and give some empathy.
    • Please get in the trenches with your spouse and ask them to as well.
  • Identify the issues
    • Establish the boundaries based on the problems.
    • Where do we need more boundaries?
    • What’s working what is not?
  • Plan what you’ll do when these boundaries are crossed
    • Get clear on when the boundaries are crossed.
    • What are you going to do when the Ex dictates how to raise the children.
    • When this happens, this is what we are going to do.
  • Be proactive
    • Send emails to establish boundaries.,
    • It is not what you say; it is how you say it.
    • Business communication. Facts only. Keep the emotion out of it.
  • Always consider what’s best for the kids
  • Anticipate backlash
    • Stay consistent.
    • It will get worse before it gets better.
    • Don’t back down

Lemonade Moment of the Week

After six weeks of the house being tore up to repair and redo the floors. They are finally done.

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darrenpulsipher

Founder of Yoly Inc. Helping people get socially centered all over the internet.

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