Whether we want to admit it or not, we have certain expectations for each other in our marriage. Darren and I recently talked with a marriage counselor and realized that we needed to be more explicit about our expectations. This can be scary. I asked Darren what his expectations were for me?? What would he say??? Darren then asked me what my expectations were for him. Started a great conversation.
The number one reason for so many let-down expectations is the lack of communication. If you can grasp how to communicate with your partner, you’ll see an immediate increase in met expectations.
Needs vs. Wants
This is a great question to ask yourself before or when you feel your expectations aren’t being met. What do you need versus what do you want? Draw a line for yourself in between these two. For example, if you and your partner are going on vacation, make a list of things you need to make you happy.
Let Go of Control and Don’t Control Others.
Expectations are under-met goals. Goals are objects of your ambition. Ambition is the strong desire to work hard to achieve something. All of these are you wanting to control a successful outcome, whether it’s controlling your environment or controlling your spouse. Don’t fall into the vicious cycle of under-met goals. When you learn how to let go of holding your domain and your spouse, you’ll gain peace with your outcomes.
Assuming is another dangerous reason why expectations are blown out of proportion and do not meet the standard you would like them to be. Assuming that your spouse understands your needs and even assuming you know your spouse’s needs will always end in unmet expectations.
Find things you are thankful for when you are struggling. If you find yourself in a moment when your expectations aren’t being met, and circumstances are beyond your control, take a moment and list out what you’re thankful for. It can be hard to find what fills you with gratitude in moments like this, so start with the basics. Start spreading your thankfulness from those epicenters until you feel like your situation isn’t as bad as you thought it was.
Lemonade Moment of the Week
Everyone around us has COVID, but we came through without a cough or a sneeze.