#4.11 Why is Mother's Day so hard???

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Darren and Paige had a different podcast subject planned for today. However, after Mother’s Day came around, we saw a lot of feelings around this day and thought we would do another episode on this topic. This day is hard for many; how can we make it better????

Mother’s Day is supposed to be an amazing day!!! Right?

So here is another Mother’s Day in the books. How was it for all of you? Were your expectations met? Managed? Complete disappointment? This is already sometimes a difficult day for women for a multitude of reasons, but mostly because of unmet expectations. I’m sure some very nice person came up with Mother’s Day thinking what a nice thing, to have a whole day to make moms feel special…they had no idea what they were creating. Women can build up this day as a kind of reward for the other 364. When this day arrives and it is not the blissful fantasy we have in our minds, it falls short and reality hits. Now add in the complication of a blended family and oh boy, tricky.

What can we do to help the day be a happy one?

Plan a group event. Fun to be with many people, friends and family. Helps the focus be off of just you (if you want that). This is not for you is you want all the attention on you. Figure out what is best for your situation.
Be specific with gift giving or risk getting a toaster. Some men are great at gift giving and plan creative things way in advance. Most are not. BE BOLD! Don’t drop hints that he will not decipher. Be specific, very specific. Maybe have an Amazon list to share with family. If money is an issue, make sure to let it known that you want a card from everyone. Or you want a few hours to yourself, or watch a movie you pick. Let them know in advance you would like a nice breakfast made by not you. Get out there what you want. Not in a bratty way, in a nice, I’m helping you out kind of way.
Remember the kids. This is for a blended family specifically. Remember that your children probably did not ask to have a mother and a stepmother in their lives, they have had to adjust to the decisions made around them. Don’t make this harder by making them choose who they have to make feel the most special. Let them focus on their mom on this day, if she is in their lives. Pick another day to celebrate with them if that is what you want.
Curb expectations. If you are hoping that your children will make some grand gesture to prove that they love you more than anyone else in the world, you are being unrealistic and a little unreasonable. Set expectations low and reasonable and be pleasantly surprised if it exceeds them.
Don’t overthink it. Mother’s Day is a special occasion, but it is not the end all be all. If things don’t work out exactly as you had hoped, don’t assume that it is an indication of how your family feels about you. Resist the urge to indulge in self-pity and remind yourself that everyone is trying their best, even if it doesn’t live up the the day you’ve created in your mind.

We all approach Mother’s Day with hopes and expectations. Sit down and take 5 minutes and figure out what those (reasonably) are and then communicate to your spouse or/and kids, what you need.

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